Friday, April 29, 2011

A Deadline and Some Honesty

When I started this blog my hope was that through some honest sharing someone else may believe that they can be used by God on the mission field - whether at home or on the other side of the ocean.  I had always believed that missionaries were "super Christians" and I knew I wasn't, yet I also knew that God was calling. 

Today is one of those days where I share that there is no "super Christian" on this side of the blog.  I have my moments (and sometimes days) of panic and feel the fear creeping in.  There are days where I struggle to find my way to my knees because the task seems overwhelming and I find myself frozen.  There are days where the tears flow much more freely than the laughter.  There are days I fail to look to Him.  There are days I am just plain scared!

This week has been sprinkled with those moments and this morning those feelings just moved right in to my desk (where I was working) and sat there.  As I have shared before this process has many steps and lots of timing to be coordinated.  I knew about the VISA and partnership timing and I knew about our desire for Hannah to start the school year in Spain, but today that desire was changed to a deadline.  High School students must begin by September 15 of the fall semester.  Even as I type those words the tears fall - not sad tears, but ones of fear.  The "what ifs" fill my mind.  The panic feeling begins to creep up (or maybe flood in would be a better description).

Now we are facing a deadline - not a hope or a wish, but a deadline.  So what does that mean...
  • We must be at 100% in August - we are at a little more than 56%.
  • We must get VISAs in time to arrive by September 15.
  • We must sell this house.
But even as I type this and whisper a prayer a song creeps into my mind:

I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I've committed
Unto Him against that day

I do know who I believe in, I am persuaded, and I will cling to that.  But you know, sometimes that grip is just a little harder.


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