Thursday, December 24, 2009

House STILL for Sale

Well, the family that was interested in our house bought a different house.  So, we STILL have a house for sale.  I realized as I read the email that contained this information I have two choices - rejoice that God is in control or be depressed.  Today I will rejoice.  I had already calculated the time frame of where closing would possibly be if they bought the house and it was right smack in the middle of COP in January and I couldn't figure out how I would make that happen.  So I know God is in charge.  He knows all that is on the calendar and what the days ahead hold and He will protect us.

So, if any of you know of anyone who is interested in a house in Kernersville, we still have a beautiful home for sale.

I have been studying what it means to look for God's will lately and questioning whether God has a specific will for our lives or not.   I challenge you to think about the same thing.  Don't think about it in regards to what you have always been taught, but instead in regards to what scripture says.  Just begin to ponder this and in the coming weeks I'll post some of the things I have discovered.  WARNING - what I have always been taught in church is not necessarily what is taught in scripture.  I am always amazed at how excited I get about scripture when I take time to actually dig into it.

Today is Christmas Eve.  Enjoy it!  Spend some time making memories (see yesterday's post).  Relax in what doesn't get done and make the most of what does.  Worship the Saviour whose birthday we are about to celebrate.  Remember, there are no promises of another Christmas Eve just like this one, so savor every moment.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Making Memories

If I spend a lot of time thinking about my life I can list a lot of regrets I have, but this mission journey has repeatedly pointed out the same regret - I spent too much of my life living on a promised tomorrow and worrying about perfection of things for today.  I have worried too much about things looking perfect, being just so, and doing all that it took to be sure that I thought everyone was happy.  Along the way I forgot to stop and make some memories.

Now don't get me wrong - I have a bunch of wonderful memories, but I also have a bunch of stuff that I could have done without and made more memories instead.  I have spent too much of my life striving for perfection at the expense of missing out on relationships and new friends.  I have lived with the mentality that tomorrow I will stop and do "that."  It took beginning to walk this mission journey to let go of the promise of tomorrow and to start living today like it could be the last one spent with the friends and family that are nearby. 

We do not know our time frame for arriving in Spain and I find myself wanting to stop and spend a few extra minutes with people instead of things, just in case this is our last Christmas, New Years, Groundhog Day, snow season, ...  Hannah has requested "one more of everything."  In other words, she wants one full year before we leave for Spain.  I heard myself saying to her that we aren't promised tomorrow so be sure you live today as if it was your last day here.  Later I realized I should heed my own advice.

God does not promise us tomorrow.  In fact, in James it is called sin to so confident in tomorrow that we boast of it.  James 4:13-16  "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. " 

This Christmas season I pray that people have seen a difference in me.  Things are little simpler at my house - not quite so many decorations, a lot fewer gifts, a huge reduction in baking (sorry to those who usually get a tray of tretas), and a lot less stress.  I pray that through this season I have instead spent time in relationships instead of things. 

We will be in Michigan in January and this has caused a lot of reminiscing about the years we spent living in Michigan.  We have been telling the kids stories after stories and then we stopped and wondered why we had so many great memories and no contact with anyone from there.  So we have had a great time looking up and reconnecting wtih people from Michigan.  Scrolling through facebook pages and seeeing faces that we haven't talked to or thought of in years and with each face sharing new stories.  We cannot wait to actually see a few of these friends face to face while we are there. 

When the day comes that we step on that airplane and are headed for Spain we will be able to take very few things - but I intend for my heart to be bursting with memories.  I pray that I never lose sight again of the fact that we are not promised tomorrow and that I grab every  moment of life for things that are lasting - relationships here on earth and in eternity.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Scott on the Radio


As Siloam Missionary Homes and Conference Center continues to follow our journey our next episode of their radio show will air on Saturday, December 26 at 3:30.  But you can get a preview here. 

Siloam Missionary Homes is following three families who are on a mission journey with different focuses and thee different destinations.  You will hear about all three journeys in this episode.

Thanks for your support and encouragement.

Cookie Dough Truffles


I first had these truffles at a Cornerstone WEE school Thanksgiving feast and then a dear friend, Marsha Judy shared the recipe.  For some reason we only make these at Christmas, but when we decide to make them we eat several batches in a row.




Cookie Dough Truffles

1/2 c butter, softened
1/2 c firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 c sugar
1/4 c thawed egg substitute
1 tsp vanilla extract
 1 1/4 c all purpose flour
1 c miniature semi-sweet chocolate morsels
12 oz pkg semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 1/2 tbsp shortening

Beat butter at medium speed until creamed.  Gradually add sugars, beating well.  Add egg substitute and vanilla; beat well.  Add flour; beat well.  Stir in miniature chocolate morsels.  Cover and chill for 30 minutes.

Shape mixture into 1" balls.  Cover and freeze  balls until very firm.

Place 12 oz pkg of chocolate chips and shortening in a bowl; melt according to package directions (either stove top or microwave).  Quickly dip frozen truffles into melted chocolate mixture, coating completely.  Place on wax paper to harden.

Yield:  3 1/2 - 4 dozen
Store in refrigerator.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Jumping for Joy

This morning in my email were the words that we have been waiting to hear...

"Dear Scott and Cindy,


I am delighted to inform you that the Missionary Personnel Committee has reviewed your documents and references and decided to put you on ‘approved candidate’ status. This means that we are asking you to complete the application process and we are inviting you for an interview which will take place during COP in January."
 
We have been approved to move on to the next step in the process of becoming full time career missionaries for SEND International in the country of Spain.  I am so excited I can hardly sit still!  So much for what I am supposed to be accomplishing in my office today. 
 
And as for the house... we showed the house a 2nd time yesterday to the same family.  They have narrowed their search down to two houses, and we are one of them.  We are just praying that God will reign supremely over the sell of our house.  We selfishly would like this to be it, but we will trust that God has a perfect Sovereign will and will bring to pass what He needs to happen in His timing to accomplish His plan.  What a great place to be!
 
Thanks for your encouragement and support and prayers and questions and excitement.  This is the journey of a lifetime and we are so glad to be sharing it with you!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Real Estate in December Continued...

We just got a call requesting an appointment for a 2nd showing on our house for tomorrow morning.  In the morning I will bake an apple pie or some pumpkin bread and make the house feel like a home.  We invite you to join us as we continue to pray that this might be the family that decides to buy our home.

And while you are praying about that, tomorrow morning is also the time that SEND's personnel team will be meeting on our application.  Pray that we will continue to get positive feedback and we will proceed to the next step of the application process.

Real Estate in December

Just as I decided that we would probably be done showing the house for the rest of 2009, we got a call yesterday that someone would like to see our house this morning.  Thank goodness it was clean this time and all I have left to do are the floors (which by the way I have decided I will not mop or vacuum for at least a month when the house finally sells).  It's cold, foggy, and a chance of rain - but someone is still house shopping.  Pray that today may be the day that we sell our house!  I can think of no better Christmas present.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Alex



When those times come that I begin to question whether God really knows what I need most in my life I just have to look at Alex.  We believed our family was complete and then God gave us a wonderful gift - a third child, Alex.  I look back more than eleven years ago and I wondered at time if God really knew what I needed at that point in my life.  But he knew Alex's personality and disposition before he formed him in my womb and He knew that it would be Alex who brought perspective to all of life.

Alex is impossible to punish as he can find something to do to entertain himself and those around regardless of what is at his disposal.  At the moment he is grounded and unable to use anything that requires electricity (including things that run on batteries as they require charging - yes he asked if he could use his game boy since the battery was charged).  Long story as to how he got to this point, but he is fixing it.  The problem with this punishment is that now he thinks I am his personal entertainment.  Saturday night he wanted to know if we could play a card game since he couldn't watch TV.  Still trying to figure out if I played cards with him did I encourage the behavior that got him grounded?  Yesterday he told me that he missed his electronic toys, but it was ok - it gave him more time to read a book. 

But today I was reminded once again one of the many blessings Alex brings to my life.  We were blog hopping this morning.  You know, go to a blog you are following and read their latest post, then click on a blog they are following and read it, and then click on one they are following, and etc.  Amazing the people you meet and the things you learn!  We started with a blog from a family in Spain (the mom of the house broke her knee yesterday, so please pray for Julie - lots of decisions and pain).  From there we went to another blog of a teacher in Spain at the missionary school Alex will probably attend.  With only the excitement possible of a 11 year old boy we watched every video and looked at every picture on her blog.  As he exclaimed "look!  That is what I might be doing next year - I can't wait!" God confirmed once again he knows best for our lives.

First he blessed me with Alex.  When I take life a little too serious Alex steps in and shows me life is meant for laughing and living.  Second, he called us to missions.  Many parents are afraid to surrender to missions because of what it might do to their children.  I cannot think of any more confirmation that God considered the kids in the calling than Alex's excited proclamations this morning.  Third, God will direct if we seek Him.  We believe that Spain will be our international destination in this journey and God is generating an excitement in the kids through other missionaries.  That can only be a God thing!

God is good and God does know what is best! 

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Morning After


Just a quick update regarding our home visit...

We had a great time!  Dinner was delicious (even if I say so), but the company was fabulous.  We chatted for 6+ hours yesterday.   We learned so much about the process that is ahead of us and about the culture in Spain.  We laughed at stories of mission work and shared our excitement with her.  By the time she left last night we all felt like we had made a new friend.  She answered a lot of our questions about the future and really made us feel comfortable.  God was good and present last night!  To Him I give all the praise!

Thank you to all who were praying yesterday.  Every prayer was answered.  Again, the only way I can describe this process is "the ride of a lifetime" and I am determined to enjoy every minute of it!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Menu Is...

Today is our home visit from a personnel team member of SEND International, the sending agency we are applying with.  I have stressed all week over the menu, which table to eat at, what to wear, how to squeeze in Alex's homework before she arrives, and a whole lot more crazy details.  Today I have changed my focus.  I will enjoy cooking dinner for her, as I rarely get to use my gift of hospitality due to the rat race life we use.  I will not stress over how perfect my children need to be.  I will not stress over whether she is going to like everything I serve, I am sure there will be something she likes.  I will not stress over whether I answer every question perfectly, nor will I stress over whether my kids and Scott answer them perfectly either. 

Today I will enjoy the process.  Today I will view this as an opportunity to share our passion for reaching the lost world with someone else who shares the same passion.  Today I will rest in the fact that God is in control.  Today I will be a "Martha" throughout the day, but come 4:00, I will be a "Mary." 

Pray for us to keep our focus on enjoying the process instead of stressing over the tiny details that really don't matter.  Pray for us during the home visit (starts between 4 and 4:30) that regardless of our words or the food, she will hear our hearts and passion.  Pray that she will recommend our continuing in the process when she leaves.  Pray for her safe travels today as she flies from Michigan to Raleigh and then drives to Kernersville.  Pray that when enters our house she will find a home that is welcoming and full of the Holy Spirit.

And to all of you who have watched me agonize over the menu for tonight...I have gone to the grocery store, so no more changes...

Pot Roast with potatoes and carrots
Rice and Gravy
Green Beans
Watergate Salad
Yeast Rolls
Cheesecake with Ganache Icing

Thank you for joining us on this journey.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Dash

I went to a funeral last night of a dear man from our church.  He lived nearly all of his 80+ years for Christ.  You could see it in every aspect of his life.  At the funeral the following poem was read.  A challenge to us all.  Will you take a moment to pray for the Caudle family as they mourn the loss of this great man and yet at the same time celebrate his homecoming and then consider how will you live your "dash?"


The Dash Poem - by Linda Ellis


I read of a man who stood to speak

At the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone

From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came the date of her birth

And spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all

Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time

That she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her

Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;

The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love

And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,

That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough

To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand

The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,

And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives

Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,

And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash

Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read

With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say

About how you spent your dash?

©1996 Linda Ellis

Monday, December 7, 2009

Cheers for Scott

Right in front of my eyes I am watching marriages fall apart, both in and out of the church.  It's heartbreaking the number of families who are slipping away and the church is doing nothing to rescue them or hang on to them.  I heard a pastor say once that a church is only as strong as the marriages within it.  So true! 


Scott and I have had our own struggles.  We both can think of times when dissolving our marriage seemed to be the best and only option.  But only by the grace of God did we hang on.  At the beginning of our marriage we committed to never consider divorce, but we skirted around that commitment.  We joked about it when things were rough.  We essentially separated within our own home (silent treatment, sleeping on the couch, ...)  A few years back we decided that we didn't particularly like the marriage we had any more.  Life was too long to live that way.  So we started over.  We made a new commitment to never consider divorce or even separation as an option.  We agreed that there was nothing that could come our way that with God's help we could not overcome.  We determined the foundation of our marriage would be God - not just by going to church together, but by praying together and studying the Bible together.  Wow!  Amazing things that God can do when you put it all in His hands!

But today's post is not about the trouble we had at one point in our life - but instead a public cheer for Scott (another lesson I learned in the troubled waters - I gripe too much in public about what He doesn't do - he does a lot of good things that ought to be shared instead).  It has been a long week and another long week lies ahead.  He stayed home from church last night with Hannah because she was sick.  I came home to laundry washed, dried, and folded AND he had cooked the sausage I need today for a work party.  You know, I can just melt in his arms when he does these kind of things.  So Scott, I want to publicly thank you for showing your love and care for me in such a tangible fashion.  I love you very much!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

It's a Family Thing

Well, originally we started this blog as a family and planned on all of us posting on the same blog, but somewhere along the way the blog became my blog so Scott has started his own blog.  Should be interesting to follow our journey from two different perspectives.  Hopefully you will relate to one of us as we travel along this road.  His blog is at http://www.alienzonearth.blogspot.com/.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Radio Show Airs Tomorrow



Siloam Missionary Homes in Snow Camp, North Carolina will be following our journey to surrendering to missions. Each month they will update our progress on their radio show called "A Place Missionaries Call Home." This show airs on 830 AM WTRU along with a few other stations across the country.

You can also listen to all three segments below.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Hands and Feet

First - an update from yesterday - after pitching a temper tantrum with God and coming back to being ok with God's timing and the peace that comes from being willing to surrender it all to him the day began.  It was a crazy day!  It was a stressful day!  It was a day that ended with the makings of a migraine - but right smack in the middle of it God said..."I heard you!  I still hear you!  I want to remind you that I am in control and I do care about you."  Our house has been on the market for 8 weeks - it has never shown on a weekday and it has never shown in bad weather and it hasn't shown in two weeks, so I have gotten kind of lazy about being sure the house is always in showing order.  In fact, yesterday when I left work it was raining and it was a Wednesday and there were dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor and beds were unmade and Christmas decoration boxes were open in the living room and half the house was decorated for Thanksgiving and half the house was decorated for Christmas and....  At noon the scheduling desk for house showings calls and a realtor wants to show the house at 3:15.  At 2:00 the scheduling desk calls again to schedule another showing at 4:30.  As much as I'd like to say the day ended with an offer on the house, it didn't.  But the day did end with my knowing, without a doubt, God does care.  He loves me and he cares for me and although He would much prefer we skip the temper tantrum to get to that point, He still loves me afterwards and He was willing to show me in a huge way.  (by the way, the house has never shown twice in the same day either)


Now on to the title of this post - Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest says today "I have to deliberately to give my sanctified life to God for His service, so that He can use me as His hands and His feet."  Makes me wonder and ask - what will I do today - not after we eventually get to the mission field, but right now right where am I to be His hands and feet.  I have to remind myself that this journey we are taking doesn't have a final earthly destination and quit focusing on the end and watch for the now.  I wonder how many opportunities I have missed over the last year by focusing on the "when we finally get there?"  May today God find me faithful in being used as His hands and His feet.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Temper Tantrum On It's Way


It's not fair!  It just isn't!  I'd like to sit down in the middle of my floor (of which I still own) and pitch a big, loud, fully explosive temper tantrum!  (ok friends - this is an honest post - so go ahead and admit to yourself you have wanted to do so recently too!)  I want to have a temper tantrum just like any child who has been told no by their earthly father, but I'd like to pitch one at what my heavenly father has said so far.



We still own a house!  It isn't fair.  I have asked God repeatedly to sell the house and yet his answer has been "in my perfect timing."  I know, I know!  That is really what I want - his perfect timing, but in the midst of chaos and mess and more there are times I think I would prefer my timing.  I learned yesterday that a friend sold their house in less than a week.  They didn't have a plan as to where they are going.  They are selling to move "up."  That is where my focus changed and I allowed sin to enter into my desires regarding the house. 


Follow this path of thought - 1)  we surrendered to missions - that is a good thing, God is proud; 2)  we commit to selling our material goods - that is a good thing, God is proud; 3)  we list our house on the market for the right price for the market, not what we would really like - that is a good thing, God is proud; 4)  we ask God to sell the house quickly so we can cut our housing expenses to be able to pay off some bills and save for the mission field - that is a good thing, God is proud; 5)  we are selling our house in this market for a spiritual reason, not an earthly reason - that is a good thing, God is proud and is going to bless right now, before he blesses "less spiritual reasons."  Anybody else see where I ended up at temper tantrum instead of peace?  Now please note - this is not the path I took from the beginning - only yesterday when jealousy and pride and all kinds of other sinful thoughts were allowed into my brain.  It was fast and it was easy and I was into full blown temper tantrum with God before I even realized it. 


So today's quiet time had to take a turn from my normal plans.  I could picture God sitting with me just listening and watching my temper tantrum (you parents of preschoolers can picture this too) waiting on me to turn to him and listen to Him.  Waiting on me to stop wanting my way so bad that I couldn't hear what He was saying.  Wanting it in my timing so bad that I couldn't trust that He really knew what was best for me, even though I can't see why waiting is best.  Waiting on me to take my eyes off everyone else and put them back on Him. 


How blessed I am that I do have a heavenly father that didn't just throw up his hands and say "when you are through with this temper tantrum and can be more spiritual and righteous, come find me, but until then you are on your own."  (I can hear me, a parent, saying something similar, can you?)  How grateful I am that my heavenly father never left me in the midst of my fit, never stopped loving me, never wavered in his plan, and most importantly - is willing, able, and wants to forgive me for the sin that led me to the fit.


This journey can be bumpy at times.  Sometimes the bumps feel like huge caverns in the road.  Most of the times these bumps come because I have put my focus back on me and what I can and am doing and want and taken them off the "driver."  Praise God that He never leaves the journey.  Thank God that although he knows I am going to veer off the road occasionally, He is going to stand firm in His direction and plan.  And be careful - it only took a few seconds to take control of the situation, let pride and jealousy fill my brain, and downhill went this journey. 


"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)  will be my prayer today.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Knee Deep in Paperwork

I had no idea how much paperwork it took to become a missionary.  In some imaginary land I believed you woke up one day, told God yes you'd go wherever he wanted to send, and the next you left.  Boy did I have it wrong!

First the initial application - it was relatively short and easy.  It was our first opportunity to tell the administrators of our sending agency that we wanted to go.  It was all about the exciting pieces of being called to missions.  It was fun.

Then came the next phase of paperwork - a little more detailed and a lot more questions.  Because we are working with an interdenominational organization we had to answer questions related to theology and scripture.  Make me think do I really know what I believe.  Then we had to come up with 7 references each (no duplicates) related to all the different aspects of our lives - work, family, friends, ministry, and more.  Best part of that phase was that we got to stop and realize how blessed we are with friends and coworkers who support our desire to be missionaries and who walk in the same faith that we share.

Then we waited.  Then all of a sudden the wheels began to turn and have turned in fast pace since then.  And to prove it, the paperwork has come in faster than we can finish it.  There is the application phase 2 - a chance to tell SEND about every aspect of our life, including writing an autobiography.  So how detailed am I supposed to be?  I wonder if they really want to know that I rode my bike to school as an elementary aged student and that my first car was a Ford Pinto?  Then the health questions came.  You wouldn't believe some of the questions they ask.  I know they are all for our good, but I do not remember how old I was when I had the chicken pox and where do you look for childhood immunization records when you are 44 (I have learned you can call the school system where you graduated from high school and they will have a copy)?  I am doing much better at completing the health forms for Alex - he's only 11 so my memory doesn't have to be as good.  Pray for us as we dig out all the answers.

Then there is the prayer card.  We need a family portrait. We have been discussing family pictures for six months - guess now it is time to actually to do it.  I am thinking white shirts with either black pants or blue jeans.  Something casual - now on to the location.  Any suggestions?

Orientation is in January and since we have almost finished the pile of paperwork we have now, they sent us some more.  Spiritual gift surveys and personality surveys and more.  When we finish the paperwork I will know more about myself than I ever did.

But the exciting part of the process has been that as I have had to figure out all these answers we have reminisced about forgotten memories.  Made me think of friends I have lost contact with (and even took time out to look up a few) and made me stop and tell the kids some stories of their childhoods.  I guess I'll have to add all the paperwork to my list of things I'll choose to be thankful for.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Praise and Prayer

We want to give praise to God for:
  • Being a God who is trustworthy, faithful, loving, purposeful, caring, merciful, full of grace, forgiving, my stronghold, my protector, and more.
  • Knowing all - what happened yesterday, is happening today, and will happen tomorrow
  • Giving life - not just a life of breathing and heart beats, but a full life - one that is able to enjoy every moment
  • Fall - the colors of fall give such a beautiful picture of God's creativity - not a boring, stone god, but one who is the creator of beauty.
  • His plan - He could have chosen to save the world without the "help" of man, but instead he has allowed us, ME, to be a part of the blessing of seeing men and women, boys and girls, begin their relationship with Him.  There is nothing more exciting!
  • Tears - I don't particularly like to be sad and shed the tears, but imagine life without emotions.  Oh what we would miss!
We ask you to join us in asking God for:
  • Direction - we are making lots of decisions quickly.  Pray that we hear God's direction in every decision we make.
  • House - our desire is for the house to sell today (alright, its 8:00 at night, so it isn't going to sell today, but tomorrow would be ok).  Pray that it sells quickly and for the right price.  We are specifically asking that God sell the house so that by the time we go to Candidate Orientation Program in January the house is sold and we are moving. 
  • Finances - pray that we will be committed to looking at tomorrow and not today with every financial decision we make.  Keep us focused on the long term goals and not the rewards of today.
  • Paperwork - we have lots of paperwork to complete over the next two weeks.  Pray for time to complete the paperwork, answers to be clear, and for SEND personnel to read them and hear our hearts, even if the words aren't right.
  • Home Visit - we have scheduled our home visit for December 10.   Pray for the safe travel of the SEND interviewer and for the time we will spend visiting in our home. 
Thank you for your support and friendship; this is definitely a group journey!

Field Trip


I took a field trip Wednesday to Siloam Missionary Homes (http://www.siloamhomes.org/).  It is a retreat center that provides homes for missionaries while they home for either medical visits or stateside stays.  It is located on a beautiful piece of property in Snow Camp, North Carolina (a little community outside Burlington).  The homes have all been built with donated money, materials, and labor.  The homes are beautifully decorated and are a variety of sizes.  They are provided for minimal rent charges.  The field trip opened my eyes to new ministry opportunities, but even more to the realities that we have surrendered our lives to.

We watched a video promoting the homes that pointed out the needs of missionaries.  Realities that I knew in my head, but had not really totally considered.  I knew we would sell our house and our worldly goods and move to some other country, but what were we to do in four years when we come home on furlough?  Live with my parents for a year?  Who is going to rent an apartment to Americans who have not been in the country for four years who have no employment?  Not to mention, how are we going to afford the average cost of an apartment?

What about when we are too old to continue to serve on the mission field?  No house to sell to allow us to move into some type of retirement home.  Will we live with our children and their families at this point? 

I know that God is going to provide for those needs, but the reality is big.  Each day I learn a little more about all that I have surrendered.  The journey is exciting, but along the way there are many road signs.  Pray that as we continue on this journey we keep our eyes on the prize - obedience to God and an opportunity to impact at least one person's life for Christ.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Crossing the Finish Line


I did it!  I not only finished my first 5K race, I wasn't the last person to cross the finish line.  And to make it even better, I was still running when I reached the finish line!  Anyone need proof that miracles still happen? This is a big one.

I started in the spring doing the Couch Potato to 5K program. (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml)  It is suppsoed to be a 9 week program that is interval training.  Well, it took me a little longer than 9 weeks to finish the program, but I stuck with it and I finished the program and the race.  Now I still can't run as fast as the program trains you for and I am definitely better at flat land that hills, but I finished.

It felt good to finish something physical.  I am so not athletic!  I have always throught I would like to run, but I have a great aversion to sweating, but this was worth it.

Now on to the next race - I am running in the Gobbler on Thanksgiving morning with Hannah (Scott and Alex did the race yesterday too).  It isn't quite as flat, but am excited anyhow. 

Anyone wanna join me?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I'm NOT in Control!!!


I am a planner.  I like to know what I am going to do today, tomorrow, and hopefully next week too.  I like to have check lists and I like to see things checked off each day.  I like to have lots of things going at once because you can almost always see progress in at least one of the projects at all time.  I like black and white and no shades of gray.  I am not a visionary but instead I am an implementer.  You dream it and I'll get it done. 

I am usually good at making decisions because I'll search until I know the answers to all the questions.  I research it, make lists, and can usually come to a good decision.  I can handle major projects with little notice, just give me a pad and let me make a list of what we need to accomplish.  I especially like it when everyone wants to follow my list in my order.

There is a big problem with all of the things above.  Almost every sentence started with "I."  I can do all that in my power.  As long as I have control I can do pretty good.  But guess what.  Very little of life is done my way with my being in control.  So what do I do with the remainder of my life where I am not in control?  The majority of my life?  What do I do when I know that what is happening to me is totally out of my control?

My first response is to grab a big piece of gooey chocolate dessert and a great chic flick and hide on the couch as if life isn't happening.  My next response is to panic and try to regain control.  Eventually I often even hit meltdown (and I'll spare you the details of how that looks).  But you know, when all this is done I am still not in control.

So if I'm not in control, then who is?  God is!  Nothing in my life surprises him!  Nothing in my life is out of His control.  He doesn't even need my help or even one of my lists.  He can handle my life (and yours) all by himself.  But the question is, will I let him?  Why do I fight it so much?  I never win.  Why can't I just let him have it from the beginning? I'd save myself (and all those around me) a lot of grief and torture.  I wonder what it will take for me to decide from the beginning to let Him be in contol instead of me. 

My first step is to decide that I trust Him enough with my life to let Him be in control.  My needing to control him is a symptom of not trusting.  Ouch!  Letting go of control is where the rubber hits the road - my faith hits life.  Do I (or do you) trust Him with your life totally and completely that I don't need to be in control anymore?

My second step is time in prayer.  One day I pray that I master letting go without the temper tantrums of a toddler, but to get there I'm going to have to spend a lot of time with God, letting Him remind me time after time that He is trustworthy.  If I just stop planning (and list making) and listen, God will show me His plan and His list.  He doesn't need my help, but I have to be quiet and still to hear it from Him.

Thirdly I need to memorize scripture that reminds me He knows every detail of my life - the number of hairs on my head, whether I am standing or sitting, the thoughts of my mind, ... If he knows the whole picture (more than I could ever know) doesn't it make sense He makes a better "driver" in my life than I do?  But when Satan starts to whisper those lies in my ear about God needing my help I need scripture to remind me that God is doing just fine without my help.

How about you?  Are you still in control?  Are you just trying to help God out a little?  Guess what - He doesn't need your help anymore than He needs my help.  I pray that you and I both get it - we cannot be in control of our lives.  It just doesn't work and when we try it is definitely a lot of useless work.  I pray that today and tomorrow and the tomorrows that are coming I will be ready to move out of the way and let God be in charge.  I'll still make lists and I'll still try to organize everything and everyone, but the difference is that God will direct my lists and organizing and timing and plans and more.  We are in for the "ride of a lifetime" and my God is trustworthy of directing the ride!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Send International


Wow!  Go from no posts to three posts in two days...lots of catching up to do.

After a lot of searching and praying and investigating and questioning and etc we began the application process with Send International.  I invite you to wander through their website and learn about them.  They are a smaller sending agency with the focus of church planting through discipleship.  They are much smaller than the IMB and therefore they are in fewer countries.  Their primary focus is Europe, Asia, and Canada. 

Because of their size they are able to make more individualized decisions which is a plus for our family.  They have missionaries serving in their organization from all over the world.

They are a faith based organization which is stretching our faith.  As we work through the process we will begin to raise our own support.  We are learning a lot about faith and obedience.

Pray for us as we work through the process - things seem to be moving quickly right now - so watch for updates in the near future.

SEND International

Days in the Desert

When I think of a desert I think of dry, parched land.  I picture scenes from movies where the character is alone and dragging themselves across the sand and searching for water or people.  They are usually searching for someone to rescue them from dying in the desert.

The only description I can find for the past months is that of a walk in a vast desert.  It has been lonely at times and dry and seems to go on forever.  There seemed to be  no one to rescue from the desert, no one to offer a drink of water.

Now let me be careful to say that this wasn't a lonely walk because people weren't around, but instead because it was a journey that I needed to take with God.  People around me were encouraging and asked to pray for us.  People were in that desert with me, but the walk God had planned wasn't one of fellowship with others, but fellowship with Him.

He intended to teach  me that He was the sole author of the plan for my life.  He was the water that quenched my thirst and the director of my paths.  Because we  reached a no in the journey didn't mean He had changed.  He needed my attention to teach me some things.

One of the biggest lessons I learned in the desert was that God was trustworthy and that He still speaks.  I learned that I needed to first run to God and trust that He would answer my prayers and show me the way.  I had the formula backwards - God will speak and he will use circumstances and people to confirm His speaking.  I tended to listen to people and circumstances and beg God to confirm what they were saying to me.  Dangerous ground to tread on.

It took not sharing a lot of things with people and focusing on listening to God, but I can tell you that He will speak when we choose to listen.  He will make His way clear.  He is trustworthy.

Would I chose to intentionally wander for 10 months in a desert?  Absolutely not - I prefer cool weather and lots of fellowship.  Would I trade the lessons I have learned in the last 10 months.  Definitely not!  I have found a friend who so greatly desires to rescue me from a dry desert and lead me beside still waters!

The Wheels are Turning


It's been about ten months since I wrote and now I don't know where to begin. I have known that it was time to resume the telling of this journey but couldn't figure out how to condense the last ten months into a single post so I kept postponing. Finally decided today to just begin to tell the journey and fill in the blanks as I go along. I'll try to not write books with each post, but good luck in catching up with this roller coaster ride.


When we last talked, the IMB told us that we were not a fit for their organization. They recommended we wait at least three years, let Scott get a seminary degree, and we no longer have teenagers in the house. What a blow! We knew that God had placed the call of missions on our life, yet we were being told no.


Ten months later the emotions still rise quickly to the surface as I think of those days. We argued with God, with man and with each other. We searched to hear what God was telling us through man. How could we know so confidently that we had heard from God yet hit a solid wall in the progress? What did God want us to learn. When the emotions calmed down we searched and begged God to show us His plan. Over the next few posts I'll tell you about the many lessons we learned, but the first thing I have to tell you is that we learned that God was still God. His plan had not changed. His love for us had not changed. His call on our life had not changed. And most importantly - He didn't leave us when we heard the answer no.


God is God, no matter what. No matter what man says, God will be God. God will use everything to accomplish His plan. God's plan can not be thwarted. God will reign over everything. God was not surprised with the IMB answer and God used it to shape us a little more into the people we need to be for His perfect plan.


In some ways I would describe the last ten months as standing still, but as the wheels have begun to turn again, I realize that we have never stopped moving, just not at my preferred pace. So hold on and join me for the ride of a lifetime. I can promise you it is full of curves and hills and the speed will vary from moment to moment. But even more, I can promise you that God has a lot to teach me (and maybe you).


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Curve in the Road


In my first blog entry I wrote the following:


This is "the ride of a lifetime." I know that there are many ups and downs to come, but I am already discovering that walking this close to God brings with it more joy, peace, excitement, and love for people than one can imagine. Whatever the IMB decides, I pray that I grab every moment of the journey and spend it right up close to Christ! No longer will I be satisfied with just planning for people to share the love of Christ, I will participate.


It is easier to say these things when the journey is going your way than when the journey reaches a curve in the road. But we have decided we will not trade in the calling of God for short term comfort. The IMB consultant called last week and shared that the team is recommending we complete several steps before moving on in the process. Their timeline is three years, but we are waiting to see what God has planned. Honestly, the answer was hard to hear. We yelled at God, cried, questioned, prayed, talked, and experienced every emotion possible. We know without a doubt that God has called us to missions and we believe that we will be on the mission field. If God says it is in three years, we are willing to wait and prepare as we wait. If God says it is to be tomorrow, we believe He is big enough to work through all the hurdles that are ahead of us.


I read My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers every day. Here is what he wrote for yesterday:


"Whenever God gives a vision to a Christian, it is as if He puts him in "the shadow of His hand" (Isaiah 49:2). The saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a "darkness" that comes from too much light-that is the time to listen. The story of Abram and Hagar in Genesis 16 is an excellent example of listening to so-called good advice during a time of darkness, rather than waiting for God to send the light. When God gives you a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will bring the vision He has given you to reality in your life if you will wait on His timing. Never try to help God fulfill His word. Abram went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all of his self-sufficiency was destroyed. He grew past the point of relying on his own common sense. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not a period of God's displeasure. There is never any need to pretend that your life is filled with joy and confidence; just wait upon God and be grounded in Him (see Isaiah 50:10-11 ).


Do I trust at all in the flesh? Or have I learned to go beyond all confidence in myself and other people of God? Do I trust in books and prayers or other joys in my life? Or have I placed my confidence in God Himself, not in His blessings? "I am Almighty God . . ."— El-Shaddai, the All-Powerful God (Genesis 17:1). The reason we are all being disciplined is that we will know God is real. As soon as God becomes real to us, people pale by comparison, becoming shadows of reality. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever upset the one who is built on God."


The answer from the IMB was darkness for us. But we have learned to go beyond all confidence in ourselves and other people and trust totally in God. What God has planned for our lives will happen, maybe not according to our time line, but according to his perfect will.


Although the answer hurt. The answer was disappointing. The answer hurt our pride. The answer shocked us. The answer did nothing to God's plan. The answer did not change God's character. We have chosen to continue to stand confident in his will.


As for the logistics to the answer of the IMB we have some hurdles we must work through.


1) The house must sell. Today's economy is not the best one to be selling a house in, but we know that God's hand is all over it. Want proof? Schools were cancelled today due to snow, the roads were yucky, and yes, we showed the house today! Please pray that the house will sell in God's timing and where we are to live until we go to the mission field will be obvious. When the house sells we will have to make some big decisions, especially regarding Hannah's education. She has asked for a change in schooling for next year and finances and location of our next home will be an important factor in how we approach that situation.


2) The IMB felt that Scott's job skills and education needed to be addressed. He has applied to Liberty University to begin working on a seminary degree. We do not know if he needs an entire degree or just a certain number of hours, but he hopes to begin his first class in March. Pray for him as he undertakes a task that he thinks is bigger than anything he has tried before. He is nervous about the paper writing that will come with such a degree. I am nervous about being the supportive wife as I pick up extra tasks so that he can devote time to studies.


3) We still believe we are called to Ukraine. Ukraine's political situation is tenuous and we know that things could change in an instant. We will begin to prepare for life there now, including beginning to work on the language. Scott is good at learning languages, I was told on my last trip that I should never go anywhere without a translator. Cindy will be going to Ukraine in May. Pray for the people she meets as she tries out the few words she will have learned before then.


We thank you for all your prayers and support as we travel this journey. The journey isn't over and we know there are many more curves in the roads ahead, but we know that God will be faithful. Pray that we keep our eyes focused on Him and that we do not let disappointment keep us from absolute obedience.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Your Greatest Confidant

OK - I like people. I like being around people. I like talking to people. I like to have people at my house. I find a quiet car very difficult to deal with. I want to be on the phone withe someone (you should see my cell phone bill) or have someone talking to me. I don't often listen to music while traveling, but I love talk radio and recorded books. It's almost like having someone to talk to. I usually call Scott while I am driving to and from work just so that he can talk to me while I drive. My own personal entertainment. (anytime you wanna talk - just call while I'm in the car - Scott would appreciate the repreive) When things are going great I want to talk to someone, when things are going really bad I want to talk to someone. I was a pretty good kid growing up, but there were a few times I got in trouble (my parents and sister may say more than a few). I still vividly remember in the first grade having tape put on my desk as a threat if I didn't stop talking.

Monday, I had a new experience. I couldn't talk to anyone. Not because no one was around or because no one wanted to talk, but because I realized the only one I could talk to was God. We had our "interview" with the IMB. This was a chance for an IMB representative to get to know us face to face and for us to ask questions. We went into this interview confident we were following God's lead and that we were going to walk away encouraged and excited. It didn't go that way. We were reminded of the seriousness of this process and the changes it was going to require. We were asked a lot of questions. Hurdles were laid out for us, not successes. And then we were told to wait. Whether we move on in this process was put in the hands of the IMB team and we were told that we would hear sometime next week.

We left with such raw emotion that Scott and I couldn't even really talk to each other. I knew there were people wanting to hear how it went, but I couldn't talk to them. For one of the first times in my life I didn't want to talk, at least not to people. I needed to talk to God. It's been almost three days and I have spent a lot of time in converstion with God, two way conversation. He called me into this journey and He is still walking it with me.

He has asked the question - are you willing to walk what you say you believe? Do you believe with more than words that I (God) am greater than any man, organization, or hurdle? Do you believe that I will have my way or do you believe that there are hurdles that are bigger than me? Do you really believe that all things works for the good of those who believe or just some things?

We have no more of an idea today than Monday what will happen next week. This may be the end of this journey, this may be a slow down period, or this may be just a time that God wanted to see who we would turn to when things got rough. Only God knows. But I do know, that through these last three days I have learned that there is no greater friend than God. I know that at those times when you can't describe what you feel or put words to your thoughts, God knows. I know that there is value in silence, because you can hear a lot more when you are quiet than talking. I know that I do believe that God is good and all powerful. I know that God will see us through to accomplish his will, regardless of how we think it may look.

So now we wait. We will wait until next week and see what turns this journey may take. But we will wait knowing that God is trustworthy and caring. He has not taken us this far to leave us. Do we really believe that?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

That loud "CLICK"...



...you just heard was the roller coaster just before it lets go at the top of the hill. Sigh.

We had our interview with our consultant today. Cindy and Hannah and I had a little sit down with the IMB representative to talk about our application and the process. The gentleman was extremely nice, professional... etc. I just didn't come away from the meeting with a warm, fuzzy feeling about our chances. He expressed some reservations about several different areas. He didn't tell us "Go away...don't bother me." The IMB feels a great responsibility to not place families into a ruinous situation.

I had really been blessed with God's peace prior to the meeting. I thought I was OK with whatever His will is for my life. Then I realized I was OK with God's will when it coincided with my own. Well, isn't this a fine mess I find myself in?

I really want to be in the middle of God's plan for my life, but I have my own wants and desires too. It is this situation that leads to willful sin. I need to want Gods will for my life more than I want my own desires. I'm working on it. Really, I am. This internal monologue is progress. I do pretty well for an hour or so, then I throw a tantrum hoping God will give in just to make me shut up and go away! (I know God doesn't work like that. He's a much better father. And I won't believe you parents reading this if you say you've never done it!!)

I wrote this verse down on a piece of paper this morning and stuck it in my pocket so that I could keep reading it today:

"For I know the plans I have for you." declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I guess the the whole issue boils down to this: Do I believe what He says? Do I really trust that God means me well and has my prosperity in mind? I believed it this morning. Nothing about God changed. I really do believe that, but I want what I want as well.

I'm sure the solution involves me giving in. I'll be working on that for the next little while.

Scott