It's Hard

I have always been someone who worries about what others think.  God has done a lot of "surgery" on my heart in regards to this problem, but there is still quite a bit of work to go.  Living on faith promises has accentuated this heart issue.  I struggle to share the hard parts of living in a foreign culture because I fear it makes me sound ungrateful or uncalled or something negative.  I fear the supportive responses that aren't supportive after all.   I often forget who I am serving - God - and lose focus of what He thinks of me and instead focus on what everyone else in the world might think.

I am blessed to live in Spain and God is doing some incredible things all around us, but at times, life is

hard.  Last week a friend shared a new blog with me (did you read yesterday about how much I like blogging?) and the post put into words all that I was feeling.  So, I am going to just borrow her post.  For me it isn't cheddar cheese (but boy could I go for a Chic-Fil-A sandwich), but instead those things that were so much of a routine that they were me - VBS, July 4 cookouts, graduation party invitations, baseball games, ...

(Borrowed directly from Blog by Emily Kines - The Long View)

When she’s not the good missionary

POSTED ON MAY 21, 2013 BY EMILYKINES

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The other day I was on facebook and saw a missionary friend’s status. It had a picture of her two little children being dropped off for their first day of preschool. The caption said “First day of Preschool. It was rough.” The part that struck me was a comment on the status that said something like, “Why was it rough? They will learn Spanish faster than you!” I haven’t been able to get this off my mind. This comment really bothered me and I’ve been trying to figure out exactly why.

I’m sure this person really meant to encourage or didn’t mean anything at all, but sometimes I think people just don’t get it.

I wanted to comment back to her and say, “It was rough because she has uprooted her children from everyone and everything that they have ever known. It was rough because they had to wave goodbye to their grandparents in the airport and now when anyone says the word “Bye” they burst into tears and she has to ask the person to please wave and say goodbye to them one more time. Or ten. And they still continue to sob. Even if it’s the pizza delivery man. It was rough because they had to say goodbye to their best friends that they will probably, literally, never see again. It was rough because she had to leave all of her friends, support systems, relatives, memories.

It was rough because, more than likely, she wouldn’t have chosen this life. It was chosen for her and everyday she has to submit herself to it.

It was rough because now she is taking her kids to a school where the children and teachers don’t speak English, where she’s afraid that her children might not be able to communicate their needs. And she has to leave them there even if everything inside of her screams to just take them home because she has to go to language school herself. Its rough because she realizes her kids will say painful goodbyes for the rest of their lives. It was rough because she knows they will struggle to fit into the culture in which they live and the culture in which they were born. It was rough because she realizes that they will see their grandparents faces on a computer screen more than they will feel their kisses on their cheeks. It was rough because she, herself, takes away her parents’ only grandchildren. It. Is. Rough.

It’s not a super cool adventure and she doesn’t really care that her children will learn Spanish more quickly than she will.”

Lets just say this post is not from the good missionary. But she’s honest.

Sometimes I don’t want people to tell me that I’m going on a great adventure or that I’m so lucky or brave. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way.  Sometimes I feel like I was dragged into this kicking and screaming, with big alligator tears, feeling like everything I have ever known or loved is being stripped away from me and my children. 

Sometimes the thought of cheddar cheese can bring me to tears.

If you’ve ever had any love for me in your heart or cared for me at all, please don’t complain on facebook about the grocery cart at your walmart or post pictures of your girl scout cookies or mention chic-fil-a. Please. Ever.

If I’m just going to put it all out there. I grieve. Missionaries are grieving. When we say it’s rough, that’s because it is.  Missionaries grieve the loss of the life they had. Friendships. Family. Safety. Familiarity. English. Yes, even chic-fil-a and cheddar cheese.

I grieve, but mostly I grieve the loss of my idols. I’m not asking for a different life. I am convinced that right now, this is the life that I was called to. Usually it’s a really good life, especially when I think of other, harder fields. I have friends that are in such dangerous places that they can’t say that they’re missionaries. They risk their lives everyday for the sake of the Gospel. They rarely or never see their family. Then I realized how spoiled we are in Colombia.

I’m reminded of a letter that Adonirum Judson wrote to his fiance’s father. 

Then I feel a little spoiled, but right after that I get on pinterest or I see something on facebook and I grieve the losses all over.

Can you grieve the loss of food coloring? Why, yes, yes you can.

So, when you see her on facebook putting it all out there, just tell her you’re praying for her. Tell her you’re praying for her children. Be sure not to mention chic-fil-a…

…And when she’s not the good missionary you think she should be, give her grace…because today, maybe she got on pinterest.

Today it might just be a rough day.

Blogging

I have missed blogging!  Life has been so crazy over the past couple of months as we crammed for the DELE that blogging fell by the side.  I have always wanted to write a book, but maybe blogging will have to suffice.  But who knows?

I also love to read blogs.  There are so many different kinds of blogs - family stories, medical stories, inspirational, cooking, journeys, theological, and more.  I have made a dear friend through blogging, although we may never meet face to face (http://alittleelbowgrease.wordpress.com/).  I feel like I know Connie's family and have prayed and cried with her as her son has gone through some medical issues (http://www.livingbylysa.com/) and I don't think she even knows I read her blog.  We met the Sturleys at training and have stayed connected to a land that holds a piece of my heart, Ukraine, through their blog (http://defenderofthefatherless.blogspot.com.es/).  I have been able to help my kids put into words what it is like to be a missionary kid with the help of Ash and her blog (http://thekidinthegreenshirt.blogspot.com.es/).  I have related to the name of of Lauree's blog - The Relucant Missionary -  more than once and find it helpful to know God meets us just where we are (http://laureeaustin.wordpress.com/).

Most of these blogs don't even know I follow them, much less that they have made a dent in my life.  My hope is that there is someone out there reading mine that just might think the same thing.  Or who knows?  Maybe the blog is just to get me through this crazy, never dull life God has chosen to let me lead.

Come back tomorrow as I share from another blog.

A "Quick" Trip to the Doctor

We are so blessed to live in a country with great medical care!  We have modern facilities, easy access to medicines, and every kind of specialist possible.

Yet, every time I find myself faced with the possibility of needing a doctor's appointment I shiver in my boots.  There is of course the whole language issue, but even worse than that is figuring out the system and the things that are just "assumed" that you understand.

Hannah has had some digestive issues for several years and we finally decided it was time to figure out what is going on and try to get her help.  Oh my!  Here is a quick glimpse at what we have done so far:

Clinica La Luz - Madrid
Location of Hannah's Doctor

• Made an appointment directly with the gastro specialist.  The receptionist/nurse (yep, same person) made sure I understood that the clinic and the doctor were both private (remember Spain has socialized medicine) and we would need to be prepared to pay cash for our appointment.
• Drove to clinic.  It is in Madrid and all the parking around the clinic is one hour parking.  Imagine a specialist clinic in the states that only had one hour parking!  Here, it is usually plenty if you are there for just a regular appointment.
• Checked in with receptionist - meaning told her Hannah's name.  Showed a chair to wait in.  Ten minutes later we were taken into the doctor's office (I mean office - not examining room) where we waited a few minutes.
• Doctor came in and pulled out a piece of typing paper.  He asked basic questions - age, address, phone, etc - writing it all down by hand.  Then he went through a whole list of symptom questions, again writing down by hand all his notes.
• He then explained he wanted blood work, urinalysis, abdomen ultrasound, and endoscope.  Called in the receptionist/nurse and repeated directions, as well as handing her the piece of typing paper.
• Followed nurse/receptionist to front desk.  Made an appointment for the ultrasound and endoscope for next week.  She explained what Hannah needed to do in advance of the appointments and again repeated the fact that this is a private clinic and we needed to come prepared to pay cash.  Around €600 total.  (in USD that is $800).
• So far, so good - or at least we think we have understood it all!
• Then she says for the blood work and urinalysis we will first need to go to the pharmacy to purchase urine sample cup.  Huh?  Did I understand right?  So I repeated it and sure enough.  When I asked her to write down in spanish for me what I was supposed to ask for, she told me to wait a minute and she would see if she could just find us one.  Thankfully she did!
• Nurse/receptionist stuck piece of typing paper in a sheet protector and stuck the sheet protector in an overflowing notebook in the cabinet.  I am still wondering if someone comes behind and does something with those notes and if so, what?
• Now with sample cup and lab orders we are sent home to find our "local" lab to do the blood work.  Local lab?  I didn't even know we had one.  The nurse/receptionist was very kind and said we could come back to the clinic in Madrid if we wanted - but with it being a 45 minute drive she was sure we would prefer our local lab.  Ok.  Why not?  I think I know of one in Illescas and if not, I had the phone number of my language tutor.  :)
• Yep, what I thought was the lab was really a lab.  Stopped by and was told they did lab work form 9 to 10 each morning, come back next morning.
• Showed up at 9 the next morning with urine sample and lab orders.  Reminded that since I didn't have Spanish public health care I would have to pay cash for tests.  Nurse pulls out a price list and a scrap piece of paper and figures by hand that I owe €260.  I give her the money and she takes Hannah's arm from across the desk and preps it to draw the blood.  (Thank goodness we have excellent health insurance that will reimburse us for all these expenses!)
• Marks my paperwork paid and tells us to come back this week to pick up the results.  Yep - I carry them directly to the doctor myself.
• This week she will have the ultrasound done first and the ulstrasound tech will hand me the results and prints to take to the doctor.  Immediately afterwards she will have the endoscope.  Right in the doctor's office.  And when it is over, they'll give her about 10 minutes to wake up, get dressed, and we'll meet with the doctor to discuss all the results.

Of course, all this was in Spanish - so who knows what I missed or didn't understand.  Never bored in Spain!  But regardless of the craziness I am blessed! I could live somewhere where we had no medical options.

Camping in Spain

This morning I find myself sitting in a campsite in Tarifa, Spain and remembering a variety of other camping trips I have made in my life.

I camped as a girl scout - digging a hole in the ground for the bathroom, learning to set up a teepee style tent, and running for the real shelter when foul weather came.

My dad borrowed a camper created from an old bread truck and we experimented with the idea of family camping.  Later we bought a pop up camper and traveled over quite a big of the east coast of the US.  The camper included air condition.  Many of our camping trips were with my Uncle Bill and Aunt Carol and their two daughters Sherry and Stephanie.  We would swap campers and have perpetual sleep overs.  My Aunt Carol always brought an electric frying pan (this was such her trade mark that I was not surprised for her to give me one as a wedding present).  My dad would "scramble" a pound of bacon most mornings and we would have fried pilsbury canned biscuits.

When I got married we bought a used tent and, sight unseen, headed to the SC coast for a camping trip.  Turns out the tent leaked and we spent the night sleeping in the car.  I discovered I was not a hot weather, humid air camping kind of gal and our camping quickly came to an end.

Scott took up back-pack camping a little later in life and I tried it once.  You know the idea of carrying everything you need in to the campsite on your back, using nature for the bathroom, and picking some spot in the wild to set up camp.  I enjoyed the company, but sorry - the kind of food you can eat when you have to carry it in on your back just doesn't measure up to what I call "real camp food."

Then we moved to Spain.  We are blessed to live in a beautiful country with lots to see - however, with the move came a cut in salary and an increase in costs.  Wanna see the country?  Find an alternative to hotels and eating 5 meals out (yep, in Spain we have 5 meals a day).  Several of our co-workers camp and I decided to give it another try.  Last summer we camped for two weeks (nothing like jumping in head first) and this weekend is the 2nd time this year we have pulled out the tent.  I still think I would prefer a 5 star (or even 2 or 3) hotel or at least a pop up camper, but I am finding I do like camping.

It's a little different here in Spain.

• You pay for everything - the site, the size of your tent, the number of people with you, electricity, pets, car, ....  easily between €35 and €50 per night - but compared to a hotel, still a great deal!
• You do not have water at your site.  You walk to the bath houses or sometimes the water spickets that are spread out for water.
• The campgrounds provide an area for washing your dishes.  Usually a line of sinks and counters and you can have some great conversations while doing your dishes.
• Especially in the summer, campers in Spain are serious - they bring microwaves, televisions, paella pans, and more.  
• There are no fires (in most places in Spain open fires are illegal) and very few grills.
• Quiet hours are start later and end later - but when they say quiet hours, it gets silent.

Each camping trip I get a little more proficient about what to pack, how to organize, what to plan on cooking, and etc.  I figure in about 10 years I should be a good "spanish camper."

Here are a few pictures of our "home away from home" this weekend.

Now What?

The exam is over and the scores don't come until August.  No more classes every day and no more regular homework.  But what now?

Well that is the thousand dollar question.

• Although we have taken the exam, we still have a long way to go to where we can speak Spanish half as well as we speak English, so we will continue to learn - read, study verbs, meet with intercambios, etc.  And of course, since we won't know if we pass or not for awhile, we have to keep in the back of our mind that it is possible we will have to retake it in November.
• TESL Certificate - we will be using English as a ministry and although I have taught for years and have two college degrees related to teaching, I feel a need to have a piece of paper that says I am qualified to teach English.  I have started an online certification course that I hope to finish in June.  It's supposedly 150 hours, but I am hoping that my education background might make it go a little faster.
• In July we have an 11 day city wide campaign.  So, needless to say lots of details to finish during the month of June and then after the 11 days, lots of work afterwards.  After the campaign we also have a couple from Moody Bible College with us for a week as they do part of their internship.
• At the end of July we are hosting another Moody Bible College student who is finishing his TESL college degree and will be helping us teach English twice a day for two weeks.  Great chance to meet lots of new people!

These should keep us busy as we pray for specific direction for what comes next!  Never a dull moment in Spain!

DELE....Huh?

For the past 18+ months I have been mentioning the need to pass the DELE.  Some of you are still saying "DELE...huh?"  So thought that since, I am now only 2 days away from the exam, I might tell you a little about what is ahead of us.

DELE stands for Diploma de Español como Lengua Extranjero (in other words - Diploma of Spanish as a Foreign Language).  There are 3 major levels - Beginner (A), Intermediate (B), and Advanced (C).  Each of those levels has 2 subcategories - 1 and 2.  We are taking the exam for B2 - Intermediate 2 - advanced intermediate.

What does it evaluate?  Everything, including writing, reading, listening, speaking, and grammar.

When it comes to scoring we will get 3 scores.  Each score must be at least 70%.  No averaging - 70% in each category or no pass.

Category 1:  Reading (4 passages with 3 comprehension questions for each) and Writing (choose 2 prompts from a group of 4 - one will be a letter and one will be telling a story).  We will have 2 hours for this part.

Category 2:  Grammar/Vocabulary - First part is a passage with 20 blanks - requiring knowledge of grammar, colloquialisms, and vocabulary. Second part is 40 questions specifically related to higher grammar concepts.  1 hour.

Category 3:  Listening comprehension (4 short audio passages - radio interviews, lectures on a factual topic, conversation between two people, announcement) that you hear twice followed by four questions for each one) and Oral Expression.  There are three parts to the Oral Expression - describe 4 vignettes and then create a dialogue from the point of view of one the people in the pictures.  Afterwards will be given a topic and asked to elaborate on my opinion of the topic.  1 hour for both parts.

Commerce...A New Way (edited)

(Learned today that when I originally posted this article part of it had disappeared.  So here is the whole story.)

A while back I wrote a post about the things that remind me we are not in NC any longer.  Often those things seem negative or catch me off guard in a bad kind of way.  This past week I was once again reminded we were not in NC anymore, but in a very positive, I can't believe this is happening, kind of way.

Circus Sweet at El Bulevar
Centro Commercial
in Getafe.  I will
definitely go back!

On Thursday Hannah and I went to the indoor market for groceries.  We were asking for our fruits and veggies when the thought hit me "I sure hope I have enough cash to pay for this."  (no credit cards at the market)  When I said that out loud, Pilar, my favorite fruit/veggie sales lady, says "get what you need.  If you don't have enough, you can pay me later."  She has said that repeatedly, but I have never actually done it.  But I needed to do finish shopping so I took her up on it.  I was €10 short.  I promised to come back the next day and she says "don't worry about it, just whenever you are here next time."  Hannah went back on Saturday to buy more veggies and paid her.  Never in my wildest dreams would the grocery store or even the Farmer's Market let me get away with only paying for part of my produce with the promise of "next time I'll pay."

But don't think this just happens with little produce stands.  On Saturday I was doing errands and was hungry.  I love Spain's frozen yogurt, although my family isn't particularly fond of it.  It comes only in one flavor - kind of citrusy - and always with toppings.  Before ordering I checked the price (€2.50), ordered a medium bowl with white chocolate and caramel pieces.  Took a bite, opened my wallet, and wanted to fall through the floor with embarrassment.  I always have coins in my purse (and remember in Euros coins go up to €2) so I never thought to check before ordering.  As soon as I opened my wallet I remembered giving Alex the last of my money the night before.  Uh oh.

But don't worry.  The man said "just give me what you have."  50 cents?  I immediately asked if there was an ATM machine nearby and he says "yes, but don't worry about it."  "no, no.  I'll go get money and pay you."  He asks me if I like it and when I tell him yes, he tells me don't worry - you'll be back and you can pay that time.

I promised to return after doing my shopping to pay.  Another cultural difference is that in Spain you cannot get cash back from stores.  Only place to get cash is in the bank or in a machine.  So I bought my groceries, pushed my grocery cart through the mall (yes, this is normal here), found an ATM machine, and returned to pay.  His response was "thanks, but it would have been ok if you waited until next time."

Oh, there are things that drive me crazy about the culture here in Spain - but then, I get smacked up against the head with a reminder that there are some phenomenal aspects of the culture that outweigh all the frustrating ones (just ask me about the gas bill we keep getting for someone else)!

A New Record

Since we prepared to move to Spain we heard things about the unemployment rate in Spain.  However, today the top news story has caught our eyes and our ears and our hearts.  When you meet someone new, no longer do you ask where they work, because it is highly likely they don't have a job.

Today the statistics say that 27.2% of Spaniards are unemployed.  In the first quarter, more than 237,400 new people are unemployed.  That brings the total to a little more than 6.2 million people.  Let me put that in perspective for you.

The entire population of Tennessee would almost make up the number of unemployed in Spain.

The entire population of the Madrid province does not quite cover this number.

The entire population of Hong Kong is right at 6 million.
If you are in a group of four people, at least one is unemployed.







But the story gets worse - 3.5 million of those people have been unemployed for more than a year.

Almost 2 million families have no one employed in the household.


And for those who are under 25, the unemployment rate is 55.7%.  That is almost 3 million.

And don't forget - this does not take into account the underemployed.

Keep praying for Spain!  The days ahead for many Spaniards are not filled with hope.

Cultural Confusion

I am constantly encountering moments when the culture around me and the culture in my head do not match, but normally that occurs between a Spaniard and me.  But occasionally, I hit a situation where I realize that the more time we spend in a new land that we create a third culture - some mix of our old and our new culture.  And interestingly, this third culture looks different for everyone.

The other night I had this concept hit me smack in the face, in a crazy kind of way.  I am looking for a tortilla keeper and have not found one yet, so I emailed two friends (who are both from the US but live near me) and asked if they had ever seen one.  One immediately wrote back that she had not seen them and her solution. The second conversation, however, had me rolling in the floor with laughter.

Here is the email I sent...

Ok Spanish Shopping Experts - I am looking for a tortilla keeper - you know the terra cotta color dish, usually plastic now a days, that is meant for putting steamed tortillas in for serving.  Have either of you seen one?

What immediately came to your mind?  

Here is what I wanted...

However, in Spain we also have another product that is referred to as "tortilla."  

This product is fried and is made of eggs and potatoes.

This was the tortilla that popped into my friend's head until I sent her the picture.  She wrote out for me what was happening in her head as she pondered my question...

HA!!!   Yes.  I DO know what THAT is….it's just not what I was imagining.  In MY head, I was wondering how you'd put a TORTILLA (DE PATATAS) in a sealed container without it getting soggy!!!  And since you said STEAMED tortillas…I was really not understanding where on earth you'd eaten yours.  Perhaps in Illescas they like STEAMED Tortillas de patata.   But yuck!

HA!

Oooops.

A funny, yet simple reminder, that "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas (or North Carolina) anymore."  

The Little Things

Once again yesterday, I was "soaring" through life I got a quick slap in the face that said "you are not in America any longer."  It was a good weekend, albeit exhausting.  I taught for four hours in Spanish and think they understood what I said.  I had a relaxing lunch with a wonderful Spanish couple and even laughed at the appropriate times (if you have ever learned a foreign language you understand that humor is one of the very last things that develops).  We entertained a Spanish friend for pizza and numerous rounds of UNO and laughed and exchanged stories for hours.  We went to church and I got the sermon - toes stepped on and all - in Spanish.  And then, all I wanted to do was mail a box to Hannah.  Compared to the rest I felt like was walking towards easy street.

Uh no.  The first problem, my box weighed more than 2 kg.  This means that it is now treated as a package and not a letter.  (A letter is anything, regardless of whether it is in an envelope or a box, that is less than 2 kg - new fact I learned yesterday)  I had the wrong paperwork filled out.  No problem, except for the fact that with packages you must list everything included in the box, including the package of Spanish candy I was sending her.  Uh oh - if you list it on your paperwork you cannot send food.  So now I have a 2+kg package, not letter, with a package of candy in it that cannot be mailed and a long form in Spanish to complete regarding the package that I do not understand, and a great gentleman at the post office who is trying to be helpful but has such a strong accent I have no idea what he is saying.  Solution - take everything and go home.

So now I have two packages, both weighing less than 2 kg with the paperwork I understand completed and will make attempt number two to mail them.

You know, it isn't the big things in life that trip me up - it is always the little things that come along just about the time I think I am making progress.  Today I am also off to two different banks - one to pay our car taxes and the other to complete the process for opening a bank account for our non-profit agency.  Wonder how many surprises are ahead of me today?

Off the Shelf

Wow!  Two blog posts in a row.  After a month of not finding the time to write I am trying to get a little back in the groove.  I have definitely missed my time of writing.  I wonder if anyone missed reading.

Tomorrow I am teaching a workshop on Christian Education at our base church.  And bigger than the fact that I am teaching tomorrow, is the fact that I am teaching it in Spanish!  Oh my!  It is going to take a miracle to survive the day.  I alternate between being excited to finally be doing something with my language and scared to death.  At one moment I am scared to death no one will show up and the next minute I am afraid someone will show up.

This week I was in a three day training conference on how to be a Life Coach and how to incorporate that skill in my ministry.  It was a great week and I can't wait to apply what I learned.  Anyone wanna volunteer to be my first "coachee?"  But as I was leaving today the instructor was telling me he would be praying for me tomorrow and we were talking about the emotions I was experiencing.

It has been difficult to describe the emotions of being reduced to toddler stage language in a place where there is so much that needs to be done.  But he summed up.  It was the feel of "being put on the shelf."  That was it!  So much of this past 18 months I have felt like I have been sitting on the shelf.  My language skills were so low (and continue to need lots of work) that there was nothing "productive" that I was being used for.  All around me were co-workers overwhelmed with all that needed to be done and I was sitting on the shelf.  At times I felt like dust was gathering and maybe had been forgotten.  At other times I felt like maybe the shelf was getting so full something (meaning someone) might need to be packed away. Its been a hard season of "sitting on the shelf" and as I move closer to my Spanish proficiency exam I am beginning to have that feeling of "being picked up and examined" and it brings both excitement and fears.  What will life look like off the shelf?

Tomorrow is a chance to temporarily come off the shelf and is a gift.  I think it will also be the motivation to put out the last push for preparing for my exam.  Check back in a day or two and I'll tell you about the view from off the shelf.

Friendships

If you asked me what was the hardest part of life in a foreign culture I would say it is the lack of relationships.  Oh, I have friends and I have co-workers, but sometimes they are work.  There is the language issue with my native friends and there is the distance issue with most of my co-workers.  I think this is a hard adjustment for anyone who moves to a new culture, but I think I felt it particularly strong because I left a position on a church staff that allowed me to walk the halls of the church on almost any given day and be greeted by many, be stopped for conversation by many, and to always have a phone message or email from someone.  My life was people and relationships at every level.

And then boom - that was gone.  In one fail swoop.  But after 18 months (can you believe we have been here for 18 months already) God has begun to gift those relationships back.  Oh, the language is still an issue, but God has placed 3 very special women in my life that have turned Illescas (where we life) from just our ministry site to home. 

I am not a spontaneous person.  I love to plan my life out to the finest detail.  Spain is a spontaneous culture.  So trust me, I am learning.  I have also learned that I love the spontaneous part of Spanish relationships.

Let me introduce you to my "gifts."

Martha (pronounced Marta) is my neighbor.  She and her family are from Columbia (the country, not SC) and have two children - Laura who is 8 and Daniella who is 5 months.  She has incredible patience with my language and is always full of encouragement.  She is a fellow evangelical believer and we so often are sharing scriptures that have touched our hearts or prayer requests or stories of our faith.  Monday night around 8:00 our phone rang and it was her husband.  A couple days earlier I had mentioned I wanted to learn how to cook platanos.  They were at the the store and saw platanos that were ripe and were calling to see if we could come to dinner on Tuesday night and have platanos.  We had a prior commitment and had to say no.  Immediately they changed the question.  Could we come to dinner tonight (meaning Monday) at 9:00?  Yep - I threw some cookies in the oven and grabbed a soda and she fixed chorizo and platanos and an hour later we were sitting around their table sharing dinner.  It's those phone calls that tug at your heart and remind you that you have roots growing.

Lisa is a Spanish woman who lives one street over.  Her husband works for the Bible Society of Spain in Madrid.  They have 3 children (from 16 to 20).  I haven't been able to spend much time with her, but when language finishes there will be more opportunities. Tonight, as I was sitting at the table recovering from an all day workshop, the button at our gate rang.  I looked out the window and there was Lisa.  She was going for her evening "paseo" (a stroll) and wanted to know if I wanted to join her.  As in right that moment.  Grabbed my sweater and for the next 30 minutes we walked and talked. She speaks English and I have given her permission to correct my Spanish.  She was so full of encouragement.  She asked me if I was ready for our proficiency exam in May.  I asked her what did she think.  She responds "I haven't seen you in a while, but you are so much better!"  Oh what a fabulous gift.  We chatted about our kids.  We chatted about what God is doing in our lives.  We chatted about some struggles.  We walked off a few calories (I wonder if it was enough to eat the last Reese's Easter Egg and come out even?).  It's those door bell sounds that remind you that your house is no longer just a house, but a home and a safe haven.

Maria is a Spanish woman we met through English class (I used to go to English class with my tutor to hear different Spanish accents and to let her students hear a native English speaker).  We became instant friends.  She is pregnant with her first child.  She went to English camp last October with us and since then has been over to our house for dinner and games several times or we have gone out with her for tapas or her birthday celebration.  Scott ran into her the other day and she "suggested" we get together again soon but do it on a weekend because then she could stay later (she leaves for work around 6:30 AM so when we get together on the weeknights she leaves early).  Tonight as I was driving home from Madrid I looked out the window and she was passing me.  She waved and smiled and made me laugh.  I followed her to our exit and as we approached where I would turn off I waved goodbye, but she pulled over and expected that I would do the same.  She got out of her car and opened my door to give me a hug and the Spanish double kiss.  We inquired about how each was doing and then she wanted to know if Scott had told me he saw her and about getting together on a weekend.  I said yes, and in my American mindset was trying to think when do I have a weekend free. She says "so Friday?"  As in two days away.  I explained I am in Madrid every day this week until the same time each day.  So she looks at her watch, says "so, until 6:40.  How about 7:30?"  When Maria is around you laugh and smile and she teaches me crazy Spanish sayings.  Maria and I are friends just because.  No hidden agendas.  She knows that we are evangelical believers and she has clearly expressed that she is not.  She trusts our friendship regardless.  But today, as I was processing the fact that if the world were to end tonight, I would miss her for eternity I was saddened.  There were tears over that realization.  And it is those tears that remind you that we are home. 

Slowly, but surely, God is gifting with new relationships.  Relationships that are unlike any of the relationships I had in NC.  Not better or worse, just different.  And I am extremely greatful.  And it's those realizations that you have friends right around the conrer that remind you that it will all be ok, that you can do it.  Oh how blessed I am!

The Life of a Stone

How can something the size of a pea cause so many problems?

I haven't felt great for about two weeks.  I assumed I had a urinary tract infection, but unless there are no other options, I avoid going to the doctor here at all costs.  Not because the medical care isn't good, but because navigating the medical system in a foreign language is just a big headache.  If it was just language it wouldn't be so bad, but it is not only language, it is a whole different system.  Everything is done differently.

Monday I gave in and went to the doctor.  Nope, not an infection, but instead a kidney stone.  That was definitely not part of DELE prep plan.  While waiting for the next scan, the stone decided it was done with my body and would move on out of there!

Wednesday night I thought I was dying.  Not from the pain, but from nausea.  At one point I made Scott promise me that when I actually am dying he will do whatever it takes that I don't experience nausea in my final hours.  I know, crazy!

After nearly forty eight hours of nausea, sleeping, pain, and fretting over what I really should be doing, I have finally returned to the land of the living.

Scott has been a great nurse, substitute mom, and foot massager.  He has definitely earned several gold stars!

84 days until the DELE - it is time to return to the books!

It's Legal, but...

(don't worry mom, we were safe)

Last night a friend and I went to Madrid to see Les Miserables in Madrid.  It didn't show in English until 10 PM so I had been waiting for a girl's night out.  Our plan was to drive to the edge of Madrid and park at a metro station, take the metro into the middle of Madrid, see the movie, and repeat plan towards home.

We had the address of the Metro station and a trusty GPS.  We decided to go to Madrid early so we could have time to walk around and not stress over a late train or something.  Thank goodness we made that decision!

We got to where the GPS said the Villaverde Metro Station was located, but it was just a big open field.  We could tell where the train tracks were, but not the station.  Deciding to try again we made a left turn.  And immediately both of our worlds were rocked!

Right in front of us was a prostitute.  Oh yeah, I've seen one before, but this was different.  We saw her being picked up.  We drove down a little further and realized we were must be in "their area."  There were ladies on every corner and every few hundred feet.

We finally found the train station, made it to Madrid with time for ice cream and to share a burrito before the movie, and watched a fabulous movie!  Then we took the train back to our car.

It was now 1:30 AM and we both wondered how life in that area would have changed by that hour.  So we drove back by.  (Don't worry mom, we were safe!)  Our hearts broke.  Our worlds were rocked. We were almost speechless.

There were probably 50 ladies out in this area.  They had fires built alongside the road - not sure if they were for the heat or for "customers" to be able to see them easily.  Some were in groups of 2 or 3, others were by themselves.  We watched one lady get out of a car.  On another corner was a man paying a lady.  Some were dressed like you see on TV, some with a little more, and one with a lot less. She had on a shirt and underwear.  Yes it was 35 degrees outside!

Our hearts broke for these ladies.  What drives a woman to this point of desperation? I read the news and understand about human trafficking, so we assumed that was a possible explanation. Although I cannot literally imagine it, I can also perhaps understand being so desperate for money for food or housing that they see this choice as their only option.

The other question we asked is how many of these women think so little of themselves that they think this life style is all they are worthy of?  What causes a woman to see herself in such a way that she thinks she deserves this?  The only answer we came to was they were never taught how God sees them.

My heart broke for these ladies.  I left thanking God for the father I had that showed me how God saw me.  I thanked God for a husband who showed our daughter the true love of a father.  I repeatedly kept saying "there but by the grace of God."

I also left wondering what might God have me do with these images?

Prostitution is legal in Spain.  It doesn't happen only in dark alleys.  It happens on public, major streets. Where does these women go when morning comes?  Do they have homes or families or do they sleep in a park?  Are there children somewhere?

The experience was nothing like what you see on TV or in the movies.  There was nothing glitzy or exciting.  It was dark and depressing.  It was incredibly sad.

I won't too quickly forget what I saw and I just pray that each of those women we passed last night might one day see their value as a woman, created in the image of God, who sees who they were created to be, and said "and it was good."

Cocido

Sometimes the food in Spain makes sense and other times I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it.  For example, you will find eggs on about everything.  Amazingly, the combination is pretty good a lot of the time, although occassionaly I have to work at liking it.

For example, this past Saturday I had pizza with boiled egg on it.  I know, sounds a little odd, but it was actually really good!

In the summer we often have gazpacho - a cold tomato, cucumber, vinegar type soup.  It makes great sense because it is so hot here and that soup is very refreshing.

Just recently I discovered another food that makes perfect sense - cocido.  It is the perfect rainy, cold day kind of food (like today).   It's kind of like a deconstructed stew (can you tell I like to watch food shows?).  In actuality it is all cooked together in a big stew pot then served separately.  The first plate is a noodle soup that is served using the broth of from cooking the gazpacho beans.  Then you receive a plate of gazpacho beans, vegetables, and a variety of meat, including pork, beef, and chicken.  Normally you leave the table so full you can't walk.

I saw it advertised on a lunch board today at the "bar" (remember these aren't an American bar) where we went for coffee and Scott agreed it was a great spot for lunch. (A definite treat to eat out)  And now, after eating the whole thing, all I want to do is crawl up under a blanket and take a nap!

Girlfriends

A few days ago I reflected on the days that it easy to forget we live on the "other side of the ocean" and that life sometimes just goes with the flow.   But today isn't one of those days.  It's one of those days where you realize there is a really big hole in your life in those first years of living here.  A hole that is the size of girlfriends.

I think the thing I miss most is that "really close, tell it how it is, share your deepest thoughts, no fear of judgement, willing to laugh and cry with you, encourage you and correct you" girlfriend.  You know the kind of friend that comes along just a few times in your life.  Don't get me wrong.  There are lots of people here who are friends - both Spaniards and co-workers.  But it is hard to have that kind of relationship without strong language and my co-workers who speak English live in different cities.  That kind of friend is definitely walking with the same faith in God as you are, and since we are living in a town with little to no evangelical presence that kind of friend is definitely a rare gem here.

I have also realized that I don't think I ever told these friends how much I appreciated them.  Think it is one of those things I took for granted.  But today, I realize just how valuable of a gift a girlfriend is.  I also realize how important they are to a gal like me.

So today I am yearning for a cup of coffee, a box of chocolate, and some serious girlfriend time.  But, instead I'll take some Spanish homework (so that one day that kind of relationship might be possible here) and a skype call about potential new ministry material, and maybe I'll cheat on my diet and have some chocolate!

Comedy of Errors

So today was a comedy of errors... 

We had learned of a place in the mountains near Madrid where we could go sledding.  (By the way, did you know there is not a verb in Spanish for sledding?)  Although the train took longer than driving, we decided to take the train.  It allowed us to study and relax and impossible to get lost that way, right?

Well, we never got lost, but nor did we sled.

• First discovered train doesn't go where we want until 1.. It was 10 so we decided to drive.
• Got 3/4 of the way there and they have posted you can't go further w/out chains.
• Found a park with undisturbed snow and Scott and Alex had a mini snowball fight.
• Decide to go a little ways back, have lunch, and get train in 2 hours.
• Went to buy tickets to be told due to weather train closed for day.
• Decided to come back to Madrid for pizza at our favorite pizzeria (it is on the opposite side of Madrid so it is rare treat to be close enough to go) but discovered it is closed on Mondays.
• Went to a mall with indoor skiing.
• Had lunch in the food court - where I chose Taco Bell - that is really bad - both in taste and for my diet.
• Found out it is more expensive to ski inside than the real thing.  
• Scott and Alex decided to play putt putt and I found a comfy chair for studying phrases with "por and para.".  

But hey, we were together, we laughed a lot, reminded ourselves we were in Spain and this was normal, and came home content.  Will we try another day?  Hmm, that is still to be determined!

How Do You Say That?

One of the hardest parts of learning a new language (besides the vocabulary, pronunciation, spelling, and verb conjugations) are all the colloquial phrases.   I have about given up on actually using them, but would love to at least understand them when someone says them to me.  So, I thought I would share a few of my favorite with you (besides, if I have to type them here maybe some of them will stick in my brain.)

Spanish:  Ponerse las botas
Literal Meaning:  To put on the boots
Colloquial Meaning:  To eat a lot

Spanish:  Estar manga por hombro

Literal Meaning:  To be sleeve for shoulder

Colloquial Meaning:  To be totally disorganized/Don't know where to start

Spanish:  Cambiar de chaqueta   

Literal Meaning:  To change the jacket

Colloquial Meaning:  To change your mind

Spanish:  Ir de punta en blanco  

Literal Meaning:  To go to tip in white

Colloquial Meaning:  To be well dressed

Spanish:  Pasarse las noches en blanco   

Literal Meaning:  To pass the nights in white

Colloquial Meaning:  Not able to sleep

Spanish:  Estar sin blanca

Literal Meaning:  To be without white

Colloquial Meaning:  To not have any money

Spanish:  Dar gato por liebre 

Literal Meaning:  To give cat for rabbit

Colloquial Meaning:  To deceive, cheat

Spanish:  Pagar el Pato  

Literal Meaning:  To pay the duck

Colloquial Meaning:  Suffer the consequences

Spanish:  Estar como un cabra   

Literal Meaning:  To be like a goat

Colloquial Meaning:  To be crazy

Spanish:  Hincar los codos   

Literal Meaning:  To stick the elbows

Colloquial Meaning:  To study a lot

Spanish:  Tener mala pata  

Literal Meaning:  To have a bad leg

Colloquial Meaning:  To have bad luck

Spanish:  Estar patas arriba   

Literal Meaning:  To be legs up

Colloquial Meaning:  To turn things upside down

Spanish:  Tener entre ceja y ceja  

Literal Meaning:  To have between eyebrow and eyebrow

Colloquial Meaning:  To not be able to stand someone/something

Spanish:  Tener la mosca detrás de la oreja   

Literal Meaning:  To have the fly behind the ear

Colloquial Meaning:  To suspect something

Hope you are laughing along with me as I try to memorize these.  Can't wait to teach the spaniards some of the crazy English colloquialisms too!

Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore

Sometimes life is so comfortable that I forget I am the "extranjero," the foreigner.  Sometimes I am sailing through life without many bumps and then all of a sudden something happens and I am reminded this isn't Kansas, or North Carolina, or even the USA for that matter.

As I type I am sitting in Burger King while Alex goes to youth.  It is too far to go home in between so I usually spend 3 hours, twice a month, at Burger King.  It is close to the church and has free wi-fi and free refills.  What else could I want?


This is the sign I see sitting in my booth.  Yeah, it is even in English.  Ahh, a nice touch of familiarity.  But wait, what about the rest of the experience.

For example, I had a salad as my side.  Normal enough, but they never asked me what kind of dressing I wanted because there are no choices - olive oil and dressing.  And when I opened my salad, no cucumbers or carrots or croutons, but yes - topped with whole kernel corn.

And when I ordered, the cashier asked whether I wanted refresco (soft drink), cerveza (beer), or agua (water).  You can even get a cerveza in the drive through because no one drinks in their car, not even the diet coke.  They even put your cups in a bag, no drink holders.

At church this morning we were hit with one of those "this ain't Kansas" feelings too.  The worship service began with forty minutes of announcements and no one was bothered.  Why not?  Because as the one who was officiating the service said, "this many announcements means we are an alive church."  And no one (not even me - boy is God stretching me) was bothered that the service went 30 minutes later than normal.  But no one would say it went late, just longer.  And when the pastor was using Superman as an illustration and mispronounced Lois Lane's name, it was normal for the congregation to ask him who he was referring to and then correct him.  Yep, in the middle of the sermon.

Before coming to Burger King I went to Carrefour - the closest thing we have to Super Wal-Mart.  This store always reminds me I am in Spain.  Other than having to repeatedly think to myself "If I were a Spaniard I would put ____ with ____," I always have to take a deep breath when I walk in.  Imagine walking into Wal-mart where the line of cash registers are.  You can't walk straight in to the aisles and you definitely can't walk between cash registers.  Instead, you must walk all the way down to the farthest end of the registers where there is the single entrance into the aisles.  Inevitably, what I need is near the first cash register so I cover that distance twice.  Not a big deal, but makes me shake my head every time!

And of course there is driving.  I am getting used to the ways of the road, but not sure the American in me will ever get used to the layout of the roads.  You might see the mall from the interstate but you can't get to the mall from the interstate.  It is not unusual to have to drive 5 to 10 minutes around several round abouts and service roads to get to the main shopping areas.  Every time I am navigating these roads I think "if this was the US these stores would die."  Spaniards aren't bothered by this, so I am learning to not be either.

And of course I return to Burger King.  Why only Burger King each week?  Well, because on Sundays (except for the first Sunday of the month) most stores are closed.  Only the big centro commercials (malls) are open.  In the states I would cram as many errands as possible into these three hours, but here I am learning to cherish the time to blog, study, read, and remind myself that "we aren't in Kansas anymore."

Church

Life is crazy and language is all consuming and although blog posts run through my head all the time, they rarely make it to my fingers and the computer.  Don't take silence for lack of activity.  I'd love to tell you a story everyday, cause there are some really good ones, but reality is that I'd have to give up sleep or showers for that to happen - and you can remember all too recently the reality of no showers and just ask my family, no sleep does not make for a happy mama.

I contemplated trying to catch up on missed things I really wanted to tell you, but decided to forgo that and just go with the present.  Maybe one day I'll do a "reminiscing" kind of post.

We moved to Spain to help begin a new church in an area of Spain that has little to no evangelical presence.  We landed in Illescas in July and have been making friends, studying Spanish, talking about the future work, praying, planning, and anxiously waiting for God to give the go ahead for the next step.

In January we (my husband and our co-worker team) decided it was time to declare the new Illescas church "open."  We still don't have a name for the new congregation, but we held our second worship service today.

For now we are meeting once a month and alternate homes for meeting.  As the congregation grows and as word of mouth is spread and as people become interested in learning a little more we will increase the frequency of our gatherings.

It's a real service, regardless of the size. Time of worship, prayer, offering, sermon, and even communion.  These will be some special memories.

And today - only our 2nd gathering - we had a visitor!  She has lived in the area for about a month. About the time she moved here our co-workers were prayer walking and giving out tracts in the the area she lives.  On the back was our co-workers name and phone number.  A couple weeks ago she called and asked if he could recommend a church in the area and he invited her to church today.  And she came!

This afternoon I had to say God stepped on my toes when he asked me "so, why are you so excited about THIS visitor and yet when you were in the states you didn't rejoice in the same way each time I sent new people to your congregation."  OUCH!  Don't blame me after you read this if He asks you the same thing!

Life is good.  We are finding our roots.  We are studying Spanish like mad.  We are making friends (Maria came for dinner this week and it was so much fun to have our OWN friend over).  We have fabulous neighbors.  Alex is finding his way in the public schools.  We are seeing God open doors and move mountains.  We are praying, planning and dreaming of future ministries.  We can't wait to see what is in store next!