I'm NOT in Control!!!

I am a planner.  I like to know what I am going to do today, tomorrow, and hopefully next week too.  I like to have check lists and I like to see things checked off each day.  I like to have lots of things going at once because you can almost always see progress in at least one of the projects at all time.  I like black and white and no shades of gray.  I am not a visionary but instead I am an implementer.  You dream it and I'll get it done. 

I am usually good at making decisions because I'll search until I know the answers to all the questions.  I research it, make lists, and can usually come to a good decision.  I can handle major projects with little notice, just give me a pad and let me make a list of what we need to accomplish.  I especially like it when everyone wants to follow my list in my order.

There is a big problem with all of the things above.  Almost every sentence started with "I."  I can do all that in my power.  As long as I have control I can do pretty good.  But guess what.  Very little of life is done my way with my being in control.  So what do I do with the remainder of my life where I am not in control?  The majority of my life?  What do I do when I know that what is happening to me is totally out of my control?

My first response is to grab a big piece of gooey chocolate dessert and a great chic flick and hide on the couch as if life isn't happening.  My next response is to panic and try to regain control.  Eventually I often even hit meltdown (and I'll spare you the details of how that looks).  But you know, when all this is done I am still not in control.

So if I'm not in control, then who is?  God is!  Nothing in my life surprises him!  Nothing in my life is out of His control.  He doesn't even need my help or even one of my lists.  He can handle my life (and yours) all by himself.  But the question is, will I let him?  Why do I fight it so much?  I never win.  Why can't I just let him have it from the beginning? I'd save myself (and all those around me) a lot of grief and torture.  I wonder what it will take for me to decide from the beginning to let Him be in contol instead of me. 

My first step is to decide that I trust Him enough with my life to let Him be in control.  My needing to control him is a symptom of not trusting.  Ouch!  Letting go of control is where the rubber hits the road - my faith hits life.  Do I (or do you) trust Him with your life totally and completely that I don't need to be in control anymore?

My second step is time in prayer.  One day I pray that I master letting go without the temper tantrums of a toddler, but to get there I'm going to have to spend a lot of time with God, letting Him remind me time after time that He is trustworthy.  If I just stop planning (and list making) and listen, God will show me His plan and His list.  He doesn't need my help, but I have to be quiet and still to hear it from Him.

Thirdly I need to memorize scripture that reminds me He knows every detail of my life - the number of hairs on my head, whether I am standing or sitting, the thoughts of my mind, ... If he knows the whole picture (more than I could ever know) doesn't it make sense He makes a better "driver" in my life than I do?  But when Satan starts to whisper those lies in my ear about God needing my help I need scripture to remind me that God is doing just fine without my help.

How about you?  Are you still in control?  Are you just trying to help God out a little?  Guess what - He doesn't need your help anymore than He needs my help.  I pray that you and I both get it - we cannot be in control of our lives.  It just doesn't work and when we try it is definitely a lot of useless work.  I pray that today and tomorrow and the tomorrows that are coming I will be ready to move out of the way and let God be in charge.  I'll still make lists and I'll still try to organize everything and everyone, but the difference is that God will direct my lists and organizing and timing and plans and more.  We are in for the "ride of a lifetime" and my God is trustworthy of directing the ride!