We had our interview with our consultant today. Cindy and Hannah and I had a little sit down with the IMB representative to talk about our application and the process. The gentleman was extremely nice, professional... etc. I just didn't come away from the meeting with a warm, fuzzy feeling about our chances. He expressed some reservations about several different areas. He didn't tell us "Go away...don't bother me." The IMB feels a great responsibility to not place families into a ruinous situation.
I had really been blessed with God's peace prior to the meeting. I thought I was OK with whatever His will is for my life. Then I realized I was OK with God's will when it coincided with my own. Well, isn't this a fine mess I find myself in?
I really want to be in the middle of God's plan for my life, but I have my own wants and desires too. It is this situation that leads to willful sin. I need to want Gods will for my life more than I want my own desires. I'm working on it. Really, I am. This internal monologue is progress. I do pretty well for an hour or so, then I throw a tantrum hoping God will give in just to make me shut up and go away! (I know God doesn't work like that. He's a much better father. And I won't believe you parents reading this if you say you've never done it!!)
I wrote this verse down on a piece of paper this morning and stuck it in my pocket so that I could keep reading it today:
"For I know the plans I have for you." declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I guess the the whole issue boils down to this: Do I believe what He says? Do I really trust that God means me well and has my prosperity in mind? I believed it this morning. Nothing about God changed. I really do believe that, but I want what I want as well.
I'm sure the solution involves me giving in. I'll be working on that for the next little while.
Scott
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