Sheep or Wolves

It was a horrible day!  Wait - it was only a horrible morning!  I woke up discouraged, battling the world, and just carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I had a headache - one of those really bad ones - and life looked as gray as possible.

Why?  The morning began with one more check of the FedEx tracking website to see that no, our paperwork was not on its way.  It looked impossible to go apply for our VISAs on Monday.  Top that off, I couldn't talk to anyone to find out if it would really be coming or not.  Then shortly after that our friend in Washington emailed me to tell me that since he didn't have notarized permission he could not process Scott's birth certificate.  I knew I was behind at work and the laundry I started last night still sat on the floor of the living room.

I laid it all out before the Lord and just cried.  I told God I was quitting.  I was not going to Spain and I was sorry for mishearing His call.  I was sure I was walking the wrong journey.  No way did He want me in Spain.  As I continued to pray my pleads with the Lord changed to asking Him to just be present - be the comforter and the one in charge.

I left for work with the cell phone attached to my ear.  I called the US State Department and kept getting a different operator who gave me the same story - I'll connect you to the authentications department.  They'd connect me to a recording that didn't let you talk to a person.  Finally, right before arriving at work one operator, who I know I had talked to 3 or 4 times already this morning, connected me to a supervisor over the entire division.  He didn't answer, but I got to leave a message - and a desperate one I left that probably included tears!

I then called the FBI to see if we could get the reports done again and I'd make a quick trip to DC on Thursday/Friday to get the paperwork done again.  Once again, got a lady who would help - only catch had to have a FedEx account number.

So then I called a friend who let me route the paperwork through her office's account number.

I got to work and began to dig through the piles on my desk and to handle the details to make it all happen.  Scott ran over to my office to sign some paperwork and I was making it happen - stressed, head hurt, and tears sitting in the brim of my eyes - but I was going to do it!

Then in the midst of it, one of the secretaries said I had a phone call and did I want to take it.  No - I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but I knew I needed to take it.  So I took the phone in the secretary's office while she flipped through paperwork for me.  On the other end was a dear lady who wasn't even on my "partnership radar."

She shared how through circumstances over the past couple days she had asked her husband if they could support us and he had suggested $100/month.  She was calling me to tell me she wanted to partner with us.  I just cried as I talked to her.  God had heard my pleas!

Shortly after hanging up with her the supervisor at the state department was calling and he was going to do all he could do to get our paperwork going.  I agreed to email him some documents and he agreed I should hear from someone by the end of the day.

Five minutes later he had confirmed e-mail receipt and another 5 minutes later someone in the authentications department was calling me and looking for my documents.  Again, tears flowed - not because of stress, but because of getting another glimpse of God.

Later in the afternoon I got the call I have been waiting on - our documents were ready and would be in my hands tomorrow!

I then left work early to surprise Hannah with the presentation of her Girl Scout Gold Award.  I had time alone in the car and instead of the radio or cell phone, I called on God.  I spent time giving Him thanks for what He had done, but more importantly praising Him for who He was.  All that happened throughout the mroning was nothing that I was able to do.  God had done it all!  Then I had such a beautiful picture of God.

I had quit on God this morning.  I wanted to turn my back on it all.  God didn't reach out to me and push me away.  He didn't send me to the wolves.  He didn't punish me for being broken, tired, and discouraged.  Instead He was the Good Shepherd.  He reached out into the thistles and bushes I was snagged in and brought His sheep back to His side.  He cared for me and loved on me and stayed present.  He was God.  What a beautiful picture to a broken, tired heart.

Then tonight, as I continued to reflect on how God has been present throughout my day we received a call from the realtor.  Two families have put our house on the top of their list - it is their favorite.  It's not a sale - but once again God said "don't forget - I have you in the palm of my hands - the hands that were nailed to the cross for you - I didn't let you go when I was on the cross and I won't let you go today."

What about you?  Do you know what it is like to be encouraged directly from God?  Do you know the rest that comes in the midst of every possible trial when you realize that God won't throw you to the wolves, but will instead be the Good Shepherd?  If not, I'd love to share even more with you.  He is trustworthy.  He is loving.  He does care!