Temper Tantrum On It's Way

It's not fair!  It just isn't!  I'd like to sit down in the middle of my floor (of which I still own) and pitch a big, loud, fully explosive temper tantrum!  (ok friends - this is an honest post - so go ahead and admit to yourself you have wanted to do so recently too!)  I want to have a temper tantrum just like any child who has been told no by their earthly father, but I'd like to pitch one at what my heavenly father has said so far.

We still own a house!  It isn't fair.  I have asked God repeatedly to sell the house and yet his answer has been "in my perfect timing."  I know, I know!  That is really what I want - his perfect timing, but in the midst of chaos and mess and more there are times I think I would prefer my timing.  I learned yesterday that a friend sold their house in less than a week.  They didn't have a plan as to where they are going.  They are selling to move "up."  That is where my focus changed and I allowed sin to enter into my desires regarding the house. 


Follow this path of thought - 1)  we surrendered to missions - that is a good thing, God is proud; 2)  we commit to selling our material goods - that is a good thing, God is proud; 3)  we list our house on the market for the right price for the market, not what we would really like - that is a good thing, God is proud; 4)  we ask God to sell the house quickly so we can cut our housing expenses to be able to pay off some bills and save for the mission field - that is a good thing, God is proud; 5)  we are selling our house in this market for a spiritual reason, not an earthly reason - that is a good thing, God is proud and is going to bless right now, before he blesses "less spiritual reasons."  Anybody else see where I ended up at temper tantrum instead of peace?  Now please note - this is not the path I took from the beginning - only yesterday when jealousy and pride and all kinds of other sinful thoughts were allowed into my brain.  It was fast and it was easy and I was into full blown temper tantrum with God before I even realized it. 


So today's quiet time had to take a turn from my normal plans.  I could picture God sitting with me just listening and watching my temper tantrum (you parents of preschoolers can picture this too) waiting on me to turn to him and listen to Him.  Waiting on me to stop wanting my way so bad that I couldn't hear what He was saying.  Wanting it in my timing so bad that I couldn't trust that He really knew what was best for me, even though I can't see why waiting is best.  Waiting on me to take my eyes off everyone else and put them back on Him. 


How blessed I am that I do have a heavenly father that didn't just throw up his hands and say "when you are through with this temper tantrum and can be more spiritual and righteous, come find me, but until then you are on your own."  (I can hear me, a parent, saying something similar, can you?)  How grateful I am that my heavenly father never left me in the midst of my fit, never stopped loving me, never wavered in his plan, and most importantly - is willing, able, and wants to forgive me for the sin that led me to the fit.


This journey can be bumpy at times.  Sometimes the bumps feel like huge caverns in the road.  Most of the times these bumps come because I have put my focus back on me and what I can and am doing and want and taken them off the "driver."  Praise God that He never leaves the journey.  Thank God that although he knows I am going to veer off the road occasionally, He is going to stand firm in His direction and plan.  And be careful - it only took a few seconds to take control of the situation, let pride and jealousy fill my brain, and downhill went this journey. 


"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)  will be my prayer today.