On Being Process Oriented

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

I tend to be more focused on the goal than the process. This is usually OK. My profession involves pushing people and materials toward goals that they don't necessarily share with myself. I have to be careful that I don't become focused on the goal to the exclusion of considering the means, but being goal oriented is not normally a bad thing for me.
God is so much more process oriented than goal oriented. At this time of year, Christmas and the birth of Jesus are at the forefront of our conversations. If God was goal oriented He would have installed a fully adult Jesus as an earthly King of the World. He could sit on His throne and solve the problems of anyone He deems worthy. It really would have cut out a lot of the messy parts of the story! Instead God comes to earth as man, born of a virgin. He spends years growing to adulthood. Then He starts working with a whole group of unreliable people. (Your going to build your church on PETER???) A few years later Jesus allows Himself to be hung on a cross and crucified. What kind of process requires the protagonist to die? Any man looks at this process and sees madness. What goal could God possibly be headed towards?
God doesn't want us to be quite so goal oriented. That's His job. Our job is to wait patiently for His will to be revealed to us. Our job is to be certain that we remain in His will. My biggest problem is that I'm a very inconsistent Christian at this point in my life. I know that I want to be in God's will. Every once in a while I get goal oriented again and I want to start driving the process towards my goal. Notice I said MY goal. Whenever I take the wheel it's to be MY goal. It's not God's. God's process sometimes seems messy. It very often seems headed towards goals that are, shall we say, sub-optimum. But only the driver really knows where we are going and how we are to get there. Even though it sometimes seems like we are careening out of control down a one-way street I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
We have been very goal oriented lately as we fill out our medical forms and schedule interviews, etc. If I had my way, we would spend 48 hours immersed in the application process and the IMB would render a decision and we would go on with our lives as missionaries or not. Thank God for Christian brothers. Tim Judy reminded me today to enjoy the process and stop focusing quite so much on the goal. God doesn't want us to just float with the wind as even He has a plan in which we are invited to participate. But He does want us to let go of the planning.
I suspect that God has a very full slate of concepts that I need to learn in the next year. I am so thankful that teaching me is not my responsibility! I am impatient for the process to move along. I've made the decision to give up anything and everything if that is what I'm called to do. Now I am learning that control of the destination is part of what I'm giving up.
Scott

Hannah's Beginning

This has been one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had! There have been some hard days here and there. I am ready to go out and tell everybody I meet that I might have an opportunity to live out my dream as a teenager! This is what I want to do with the rest of my life so why not start now. I have always had the dream to live in South America so at first the thought of going to Ukraine was hard and I really wanted to go somewhere that the people spoke Spanish, but now I am fine going anywhere. It has been really hard trying not to have the mindset of this is the last everything, especially Christmas. No one understood why I was making such a big deal about Christmas this year and I wanted to tell them so bad. Overall this is an experience that I am glad I am having whether we go or not.

Christmas

Christmas has had a different feel to it this year.  We committed to spending less and doing the holiday on a smaller scale.  Every gift we give is filtered through the idea that we might be leaving the country and don't need any more junk.  We are decluttering our lives and don't want to add to it.   The kids were happy with what they got and never thought twice about why it was smaller.  Maybe the need for the hype is more on the parents part than the kids?

Every piece of the Christmas tradition at my house has been experienced through joy and tears.  I have tried to be sure I didn't miss anything, because who knows - this may be our last Christmas here in the states with family around.  In a "down" moment a co-worker said to me earlier this week "who knows, you may still be here next Christmas."  But I responded, but what if I'm not and I missed doing something this year.

Then I stopped and thought.  Why does it matter if this is the last Christmas here or not?  No one has the guaranttee of tomorrow - not here in the states nor in some foreign country.  No guarantee of another Christmas or for that matter, no guarantee of another day.  Why am I not living every day as if today could my last?

Am I taking time to cherish every moment?  Am I loving every one around me as if today may be the last time they see me?  Am I leaving everything in a condition that would be pleasing if I never returned?  

"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come." (Matt 24:36).  Am I keeping watch or am I trusting in a tomorrow?

The To Do Lists

The focus of this journey can so easily become about the process instead of the call.  I know that the process is necessary and I do appreciate that the IMB is so meticulous in its screening of candidates, but at the same time I want to just yell "let me go!"  Of course, I must also say that I recommend not doing the process at the Christmas season.  How crazy is it to try to prepare a house to sell at Christmas?

One of the first decisions we had to make was that we were more in love with our God than our stuff.  For the most part we have let go of our stuff, but there are still occasionally those things that we thought we would have forever that bring tears.  Sometimes there are even outright full crying fits, especially when it comes to our carpet - the object of the majority of my tears.  I asked for carpet for 5 years and finally got it - just so that I can give it away.  We had to replace the carpet to prepare the house to sell.  I know, crazy, but the process does crazy things to you.

The forms and required information are overwhelming.  There are 5 health questionnaires, 2 educational reviews, 2 MMPIs, 5 dental forms, and an interview looming in the future.  Hours every night to try to gather it.  And just exactly where do you go to find an immunization record for a 45 year old man who was born in Egypt and then moved to NC at age 1?  Again, I know it is necessary - but why can't it just go faster?

And of course the house is for sale.  We got 15 minutes notice last Saturday that it was going to be shown and I of course had four loads of laundry on the floor and Christmas baking covering the kitchen.  We ran like madmen around only to find it was just a realtor previewing it or a family who is moving here in the spring and it was have been OK to just straighten up the kitchen and not ruin a batch of goodies.  Because the economy is so slow right now we have given the realtor permission to show the house at any time, even if they can't get in touch with us so it has to be in showing condition every time we walk out the door.  My prayer is that the house sell soon.  

The process also changes how you look at things around you.  I know God requires of to be faithful to the end of one journey, even as he is moving us to a new path, but it is hard.  There is so much excitement and to do lists that it is difficult to not "check out" of this life.  My frustration with my coworkers is at top level and at times I just want to walk out today.  Christmas is in a week and I'd be ok to just skip the things and spend time with family.  But Christmas is still going on for others. For example, we had dirty Santa at the staff party.  It was hard to be excited about any of the things knowing that hopefully in a few months we will be doing away with things.  But it is also an emotional roller coaster, because although I didn't want any of the stuff, I really wanted a musical duck.  (and my dear friends made sure I got one later)  So I cried over bringing home "junk" and cried about not bringing home "junk."  What a roller coaster!

What have I learned from all this?  Follow Jesus.  Sounds simple, but it surely isn't.  First lesson I have learned in regards to following Jesus is be sure you are following Jesus and not man.  Every person's journey is going to be different.  I must be sure that I am first listening to Christ and his commands and filtering others advice through what he is saying to me.  I am not saying do not listen to the wisdom of others, but also be sure that I am first hearing from God.

Second, follow Christ's example.  At the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus chose to get away from the disciples and spend time alone with God.  He left the busyness and the people to spend time just with God.  If it was necessary for Jesus, how much more necessary it is for me?  I am a people person and would spend every moment with crowds if possible, but it isn't good for me.  I must remember through this whole process to stop and spend time alone, not just my quiet time, but more.  How can I truly follow Jesus if I don't stop to hear him?

I would pray that the process would end quickly, but the journey is worth the struggles.  Oh how I yearn to be found faithful on this journey, even in the process of "to do lists."

The House

The house goes on the market in 48 hours! We are still very early in the application process but have determined that regardless where the IMB process takes us, we will sell our house and get 100% out of debt. We will then decide where life takes us. This is a lot of work. I have discovered that we have way too much stuff that we never use. What a waste it is that we have allowed our material things to accumulate this way. May we be better stewards with every penny we have not only through this process, but after - regardless where we land.

With the listing of the house comes a whole new set of issues. We are praying specifically that the house will sell this month and we can move on from this step - but wait, we don't have anywhere to move. We have no plan if the house sells immediately, but know that God has one. (If you are reading this some time long after the date of this process you need to remember we are listing our house for sale in the month of December right after the housing market totally fell apart - according to the realtor there are almost as many houses for sale that are either in foreclosure or close to it as there are houses for sale for other reasons. It is not the ideal time to be selling).

The realtor said to get it ready for showing we needed to replace the upstairs carpet and declutter. Carpet is set to be replaced Monday - for the past three years I have talked about replacing it, and now we are replacing it for someone else. Isn't life just odd sometimes? As for the clutter - the amount is ridiculous. For awhile I packed pondering each item as to where we might end up and if we would need it. The reality of the whole process became more and more real with each item that we packed up. Oh so many tears were shed. Now, I have a deadline and we are just packing.

I know the first time I drive up to a For Sale sign in the front yard will be hard. It's not that I am attached to the house, it is a reminder of what lies ahead. At times I can hardly wait, and at other times I begin to focus on the things in my life and I am sad. The lesson I am learning today is that I truly have to decide what drives my heart, is it a love for God or a love for people and things. I guess that is a battle that I will face for a long time.

With the sign also comes the public knowing we are moving. Scott says I should never play poker because I can't hide anything! We are trying to not tell the whole world that we have applied (we are still very early in the process), yet it is all over my face when someone wants to know why we are selling. I am trying to be wise in the process, but at times I'd like to throw all caution to the wind and tell the whole world. Guess I am also learning (sometimes the hard way) to let God control my mouth. Our pray is that we never lie to anyone in the process and yet we also use wisdom in our answers. That may be harder than selling all our wares and moving to a foreign country.

If you are reading this as it is posted, I ask that you join us in prayer for the sale of the house. Our prayer is that it is quick and the price is right. When we started the process I would have told you that if God wanted us to go to the mission field he would sell the house quickly, I would have seen it as a fleece. No longer, he has so confirmed that we are hearing what he wants us to do today that instead I look at the sale of the house as an indication of his time table and blessing on the commitment to become debt free. I don't need the fleece, I know that today I am sitting in the middle of his outstretched arms and sincerely pray that I remain there. There is no better place to be!

My Beginning-Scott

I was raised in a Methodist Church in Jacksonville, NC. I wouldn't say that we were very active in missions, although we heard the occasional missionary story and gave to UNICEF every year. it was really something that other people did.

After coming to Cornerstone, I began hearing more about missions and it was from the point of view of people who were actually planning on Doing. For several years missions was still something that other people did.

Our family participated in a construction/VBS mission trip to Maine with Cornerstone. I wasn't completely sure that this missions thing was for me but I was willing to go along. I loved the trip and ministering to Christians needing love and support in Maine.

I later felt a call to participate in a planned mission trip to India. This trip was canceled due to the tsunami of 2004. I eventually began to discuss going on a mission trip to Ukraine with Marsha Judy. I had no idea what I had obligated myself for. The trip was a conference for pastors in Ukraine and the surrounding areas. The goal was to encourage and uplift the pastors so that they would be rejuvenated for service in their own ministries. I thought I had volunteered for some sort of background or support role. Before I knew it, I was "preaching". Marsha has a knack of getting people to do things that they don't believe themselves capable of doing.

God blessed me through our Ukraine mission trip and I was changed in ways that I didn't quite yet understand. Over the next year or so I began to understand that I was experiencing a call to full time missions. I was still a very immature person and Christian. I wasn't really ready to go at that point but God knew His timing. Cindy really wasn't ready at that point either.

Cindy and I have joked about the idea of going to the mission field for a couple of years, but I don't think she really took me seriously. I eventually understood that this was a calling experienced by a couple and that she couldn't or shouldn't be rushed into it by me. I was convicted to wait for God's time for her. In October 2008 we took a family vacation to Myrtle Beach and the subject of missions came up. I said something about going and Cindy realized for the first time that I was serious. The next 24 hours was a blur for both of us as we began to seriously consider making the idea become reality.

We committed to pray about the idea for a month. It took about two weeks for us to realize that we really had been called and it was time to do something about it. The month since then has been a blur. The idea has gone from abstract to concrete. We are now trying to get our house ready to sell. We are listing our possessions for sale. We are considering who we need to tell now and who we should wait to tell. (If you are a friend reading this and you weren't one of the first ones we told, please don't take it personally! We know you all love us. We are sometimes concerned about our employment situations and how this knowledge might affect our jobs.)

God has been very good to me. He has held my hand and comforted me throughout this process. I'd like to say I never had any doubts, but that would be a lie. I've worried about how I would take care of my family. I've worried about how past sins might affect my ministry in the future. I've worried that I'm not going to be "good at it". I've even worried about some of the things I knew I was going to have to give up. But mostly I've been filled with joy at the prospects of serving God with my life. I am beginning to feel a fulfillment that I've never known before.

Thanksgiving - Telling Cindy's Parents

Henry Blackaby, in Experiencing God, would teach that if you are truly walking with God in every action, thought, and desire, and plan, God will be there before you get there and when you get there. The next step in your life journey will be natural out of the things God is doing in your life and people around you won't be all that surprised. He teaches that God goes before you if you are following him.

We decided that our parents were the next people who needed to know our decision. Scott's mom often joins my family for Thanksgiving. It is casual (we order most of the food from K & W Cafeteria) and relaxing. We knew our house was to go on the market shortly after Thanksgiving and wanted them to know why. All of our parents are Christians and expected them to be both excited and sad. Excited for what the future held as we were obedient to God, sad as they realized their grandchildren (and maybe a little their children) were going to be far away.

At the beginning of Thanksgiving week Scott's mom changed her plans about coming. She just wasn't up to the trip. AT first we were disappointed then realized telling the parents separately may be a good idea anyhow. Scott arranged to go see her at a later date. On Tuesday, my dad called and left a message reminding me that my mom's birthday was at the end of the week and asking if I would call him back. He had a favor to ask me that wouldn't cost me any money, but to please call him back when I knew mom wouldn't be in listening distance. Not an unusual request as I often help with his shopping, but the no money thing had me puzzled.

I called him back and the puzzle got bigger. He said, "since this might be our last Thanksgiving together" would I please say the blessing on Thursday as a birthday gift to my mom. "Last Thanksgiving together" - why? I immediately drilled Hannah who had spent a week with him and she promised she had not said anything. Then I got excited to realize God had already been ahead of us in this conversation too, but of course doubts had to sneak in. Scott asked if i thought the statement meant there was something wrong with one of my parents.

Oh my! What if that was the case? I had to pray and think about whether I was willing to be obedient in this call, regardless of the situation. Once again I returned to prayer and the verse about forsaking family returned. I knew if there was a problem with one of them I could be obedient. I would just have to "trust and obey" that God was in charge of their life as well as mine and that he had the perfect plan with the perfect timing.

Thanksgiving lunch is about over and I am stressing as to how to begin this conversation. I mean, they have no clue its coming and you don't just pop up and say "we are moving to some unknown country at some unknown time in the future," but God even had a plan there. My dad gave my mom a GPS for her birthday over dessert. Perfect intro into the conversation - "hey mom, do you think that GPS might work in another country?" Unfortunately she took my question serious and for the next ten minutes she and dad discussed whether it would work or not. Finally, I had to interrupt and tell them what I really meant.

There was silence for a few minutes, but then the questions. My mom was excited (and even kept the tears to a minimum) and my dad wanted to be sure we were going to be taken care of. My sister and her husband had a few questions too, but the mood was joyous and not disbelief or sadness. It is such a blessing to be in a family of all Christians. I pray I never take that for granted.

If I learn nothing else in this process I have already learned that when you are obedient to God's commands the path is a lot easier than when you forget ahead on your own. I later asked my dad why he made the comment about the last Thanksgiving together, and he said he really didn't know, just that he thought Zach being in college and all may not be able to always be home for Thanksgiving. God will even use those around you to remind you that He is in charge. Oh Thank You dear Heavenly Father that this journey is one that you are leading and that we are not alone.

Zach - will he still have a home?

This whole college parenting thing needs a manual. How do you continue to parent someone who is really an adult (or at least in their mind) who for most of the year makes their own decisions, doesn't check in with you, and lives on his own until...he needs money, laundry done, a home cooked, meal or a bed to rest his head in that is closer to his girl friend than college? Every trip home he makes is a learning experience for us both. And now, we want to take away his home.

In some ways this decision was made in a vacuum, a vaccuum that no longer included our oldest son who is away at college. This decision would impact him, but he no longer really had a part in the decision. I am beginning to understand why Jesus said in Matthew 10:37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." If I love Zach more than I love God I will not be willing to be obedient completely. There will always be strings and buts. Oh how I do love Zach, but my prayer is that how he sees his parents being obedient will teach him to be obedient to whatever God calls him to do.

We decided to share the decision with Zach when he came home for college and that Scott would take him away from the home and talk with him. I just prayed and let go. They left and came back and all seemed the same as before they left. Scott said it went fine and Zach's only reaction was that he was glad we waited until he had moved out (whew! isn't God's timing perfect?). In a man's world, that was enough description of the conversation, in a woman's world, I needed word by word account. So now how to pry without prying?

Even God took care of that. Zach opened the conversation with the fact that he had been considering applying for a job at college this coming summer that would keep him there for 8 weeks. Remember, he made that decision before he knew we were praying to leave and in our time schedule we would leave in late summer. Then in another conversation he shared that he had applied to two different army programs for the summer of 2010 and he wouldn't be home that summer at all (he is at college on an ROTC scholarship). God is good!

He is still trying to figure out how all this impacts him. As we pack things up to sell and give away (we are downsizing our life now, regardless of the decision the IMB reaches) he is caught. He isn't leaving, but his home is. He wants to keep things, we are getting rid. He had a good conversation with his grandparents (Cindy's parents) and they assured him that he always had a home there. Those who know here in Greensboro have already promised him a bed anytime. God will take care of him.

Pray for him as he figures out how he fits into this whole picture. He says he is is a "short term missionary at heart" and this works great for that. Pray for us as parents as we try to parent him as a college student who we will leave behind. Pray for our hearts as we commit to loving God more than anything, or anyone.

On a side note, he is on a full scholarship, but because of an illness that occuppied the majority of the semester, his scholarship is in jeopardy. He must pass the ROTC PT test by December 12th. He will have an opportunity on December 5th. Pray for the physical strength and endurance to pass. Pray for his determination to keep doing what he needs to do. Pray for us as parents to let go and let him make his own way. I'll keep you posted.

People Will Know

Scott and I determined that we would not make our decision public until further into the process. We did have a couple on the mission field that was mentoring us and serving as great prayer partners, but those who we saw everyday were not to be told. Scott's job would be at risk if they thought he was quitting and my job would just be awkward.


Keeping it quiet is a lot harder than it seems. This decision has become all consuming. Every thought you have an decision you make is filtered through the idea that you are giving up everything to serve.


One day in the WEE School office Sherri Howard and I were talking about selling houses. She guessed. I said nothing and yet she guessed. When I asked her what made her think something like that she said, "people who really know you know that you have a heart for missions, it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone."


In an effort to prepare to tell Zach we also chose to tell Suzanne. She was first caught by surprise, not by the decision - she said it made sense, she saw it in us, just by the fact that it was happening now.


What did this mean? It was actually confirming that people saw God working in our hearts and lives even before we answered the call. Teachers have said that part of assuring that you have heard the voice of God is to talk to those wise believers. They should be able to confirm to you that they have seen the fruit of God leading to this call and decision. What great assurance that God had truly indeed been at work in our lives leading to this point!

Planning to Participating...Cindy's Beginning

I never imagined that I would one day be preparing to head to the mission field full time. I grew up in the Baptist church. I participated in GA's, heard about WMU through my grandmother, prayed for missionaries on their birthdays with my "adoptive grandparents," and always heard of mission work across the world. I participated in a variety of mission projects growing up but never felt called to actually "do" mission work.


Seven years ago Cornerstone Baptist Church, our home church, was preparing for a mission trip to India. I worked with the children ministries and wanted them to participate in a way that made them feel like an integral part of the trip. They couldn't go to India, but we could bring India to them. I helped turn the gym into a city in India and taught the children about the area our team would be serving. I then introduced them to the idea of Looking Good Bags. These were bags for people the team would encounter that included hygiene items such as a comb, toothbrush, soap, washcloths, and etc. We collected three duffel bags full. I have never felt so excited to be serving as then.


Two years later I answered the call to full time ministry and began to work on my seminary degree in Christian Education and went to work for Cornerstone part time. Shortly after that Marsha Judy stopped me in the hall one morning and asked when I was going to commit to the upcoming Ecuador mission trip. I told her I had no plans to go. God was using me with the children to assist in the trip and I felt fulfilled. I had no inkling that God actually wanted me to go, not just participate. I agreed to pray for the weekend about the trip and God answered boldly and clearly that I was to go.


Six weeks later I was in Ecuador working with the Quichua people. Our goal was to walk the streets of a village to find evangelical believers that the IMB missionaries could connect with for the purpose of church planting. I was hooked by the 2nd day. There was no greater high than being on the mission field sharing God's love.


The final day of the trip reminded me that missions can be fulfilling, but it requires a willingness to lay everything down. As our team handed out Bibles to the Quichua people at a local market, my translator and I were mobbed. His passport and wallet was stolen and I was literally lifted off the ground by the people pressing in to get their own copy of the Bible. I was scared to death and it took quite a few hours to recover, but later I realized that God had been faithful. I also had to question what was I willing to give up to put the Word of God in the hands of people who did not know him.


After the experience of the first trip I knew that God had called me to missions. I imagined continuing to go on short term trips and maybe one day leaving my position of Children's Minister to become a Director of Missions, or maybe one day even going to work for a missions organization to help coordinate trips.


I went on four more trips to both Ecuador and Ukraine. I went as a strategic planner, as a team member, and as a team leader. I struggled to do the rest of my job when there was a mission trip that called for my attention. I felt torn between loyalties - loyalty to my specific job description and my desire to do missions full time, loyalty to Marsha Judy who was in charge of missions and a desire to facilitate more trips.


All along I felt a call to missions. I even applied and interviewed with a mission organization that worked with children. The position was that of a team planner and facilitator. Just what I felt both gifted and called to do, but after much prayer, God said no. I was disappointed, but I knew I had heard God clearly. I figured one day God would open the door, but I don't think I totally believed it. Missions was my goal, but my family would never go along with the whole idea, so I knew it would never happen.


Then my world totally changed on November 2, 2008. Scott and I had taken Alex and Hannah to Myrtle Beach for a few days of family time and get away. Walking along the beach I said something about going to the mission field in a joking manner and both Scott and Hannah came back with responses saying they were just waiting on me to be ready to go. It was like a slap in the face. They were waiting on me and I had dismissed the idea that they would ever go. The rest of the trip was a blur. I was constantly asking them if they were serious.


Scott explained that years before he had committed to God that he would go, but knew that he had to let God work on me. He was just waiting. Hannah had gone with me to Ukraine that summer and had believed that God had called her to fulltime missions. She was ready to answer that call now.


I asked for time to think, pray, and process. All of a sudden we were no longer talking about one day in the future going to the mission field, but questioning was I willing to give up whatever it took to reach people of the world for Christ. I spent time praying, studying, and questioning. Was I really willing to do what it took to reach people for Christ?


On Monday, November 10, we submitted our application to serve with the International Mission Board, part of the Southern Baptist Convention. Hitting submit came with a variety of emtoins - a sense of relief, fear, and excitement. This would be the beginning of an incredible journey that only God knows where it will take us and when this portion of hte journey will be complete.


This is "the ride of a lifetime." I know that there are many ups and downs to come, but I am already discovering that walking this close to God brings with it more joy, peace, excitement, and love for people than one can imagine. Whatever the IMB decides, I pray that I grab every moment of the journey and spend it right up close to Christ! No longer will I be satisfied with just planning for people to share the love of Christ, I will participate.